Dear Bruin PR Department,

From the diaries. - N

As you may have heard, our football program is falling like a rock and our head coach is a complete tool. Four years ago, you were proabably assigned to Karl Dorrell to make sure from a public relations stanpoint that he reflected positively on the university, be articulate, speak with conviction, and basically not embarrass the program and the university. Uhhh...well...our guy needs a little help. Serious help. He continues to spew out nonsense and pathetic cliches during his interviews that should make anyone in the PR department absolutely wince. And, week after painful week, he continues to embarrass the entire Bruin nation. Here, in my humble opinion as a faithful Bruin supporter and alum, are a few things that KD needs to work on for the rest of his (hopefully very short) tenure at UCLA:

  1. Stop using phrases like "showing progress" and "we're improving" after a loss. It's a FRIGGIN' LOSS for cryin' out loud!!! You don't LOSE and PROGRESS! Well, unless you are a perennial loser and bottom-dwelling program, you don't! This is an absolute embarrassment to the program, the university, and a slap in the face of Bruin supporters.
  2. Don't ever, I mean ever, thank an opponent "for the opportunity" to play them, especially after blowing a 4 point lead with 1:02 to play. This makes me think of one word: TOOL. Yeah, exactly what we want leading our football program!!
  3. It's also probably not a real good idea to smile, and have a "I just boffed the neighbor's cat" look on your face when talking about your quarterback's injury. That's just inappropriate.
  4. During the halftime interview at Cal, it looked like Karl was what we in the medical profession call "responding to internal stimuli". You should tell him to ignore the voices in his head and concentrate on the interview. This may also help him with his halftime speeches to his players. (BTW lots of brilliant minds have a bit of psychosis, but it's probably not conducive to being a head football coach at a major university...just FYI Mr. Guerrero!).
  5. When something actually good happens on the field, say, a touchdown, a key turnover, whatever, you might want to tell Karl to, well, I don't know, SHOW SOME FRIGGIN' EMOTION!!!!! A simple fist pump, hand clap, whatever. Something to remind us and his players that the guy with the blue shirt and headset actually is alive and has a pulse. The "deer in the headlights" look, despite what you may have heard, is not very inspiring and motivating. Just isn't.
Again, hopefully KDs tenure is short and you won't have to keep putting out these PR fires!

Go Bruins!

<em>This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.</em>

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