I am so wound up with this coaching search. God knows how many times I troll around the various sites looking for the tiniest scrap of new information like a famished stray dog looking for a hint of food.
And with the search being done with such secrecy, the only thing we have seen lately are rumors. Rumors which often don't meet the sniff test, and my head tells me to dismiss them, but nonetheless elicit a reaction from my heart as the rumors often cut to the core, preying on the vulnerability of many of us who are petrified the administration will lead us down the same pathetic path of mediocrity we have been subjected to for so long.
Sometimes I feel like an idiot for letting a rumor get to me. And then sometimes a rumor really throws me for a loop.
Exhibit 1: Today at lunch. I read about Chow on campus with his attorney. And the only reason for his attorney being here would be to hammer out a contract. There were a lot of things about the story which didn't make sense (especially the timeline of when Chow would be free), but coming on the heels of the rumor from the weekend how Chow had already been offered, the rumor at lunch hit me hard.
I felt sick to my stomach.
And then frustrated.
And then here-we-go-again....
And emotions swirled in me for a good 90 minutes, and probably affected the first class I taught this afternoon (I'm a high school teacher). It was nauseating.
And at times I am extremely frustrated at the environment DG has allowed Bruin Nation to fall into. We should never be in a situation where a loss doesn't hurt like hell and where many people were hoping we would lose (because maybe it is one step closer to axing Dorrell). And the current environment where rumors are running rampant is not healthy for Bruin Nation either. I realize that some parts of the search need to be done behind closed doors, but this rumor mill is not healthy either.
Note Exhibit 1.
And so this evening, in another pathetic search for new scraps of information, I decided to take a break and was wandering around places where there would be no talk about the coaching search (XKCD, Digg, and the like). And I had seen a lot of talk about this "2 Girls 1 Cup" video for a while now. It is certainly a phenomenon. And so I said what the hell and went to find out what this video was about. And it didn't take long for me to think "Holy Sh!t" -- literally.
And it was nauseating.
And then it hit me a few moments later. I had the same reaction at lunch today. I literally felt the same thing watching that video and seeing a rumor about Chow and his attorney. How unbelievably sad is that?
My nauseating double whammy of the day.
That is what this coaching search is doing to me.