20 Things I Don't Want in a New Coach

We're all spending lots of time specifying what we want in our new coach. Here's a list of 20 things I do NOT want to see in our new coach:

I do NOT want a coach who:

1. Has no previous head coaching experience;
   
2. Is recommended by Terry Donahue;
   
3. Has perfected the "deer in headlights" look on the sidelines;
   
4. Spends more time preparing his game wardrobe than preparing his game plan;
   
5. Stuffs his play chart down the front of his pants;
   
6. PLAYS NOT TO LOSE;
   
7. Uses the word "opportunity" in every other sentence;
   
8. Will use the words "learning" and "growing" when describing his team;
   
9. Cannot articulate a thought without using cliches;
   

10.Shields his players from the media;
11.Ignores background checks on potential asst. coaching candidates;
12.Spends halftime doing anything other than thinking of needed adjustments;
13.Does not know which players on the roster are eligible to play;
14.Has no balls on 4th and short (see #6);
15.Sleeps good at night after a loss;
16.Throws players/asst. coaches under the bus;
17.Gets a new OC every year;
18.Thinks the WCO is easily learned by college players;
19.Looks like he doesn't give a shit; and
20.Is in over his head.

I'm sure y'all can come up with a lot more. So have fun and go for it!