FanPost

On the Couch - Bill Self

On the Couch - Bill Self [a parody]

Doc:  Hey, come on in Bill, have a seat.

Self:  [beady-eyed stare]

Doc:  So, tell me what you're thin...

Self:  Wegotspedup!

Doc:  Come again?

Self:  Well, we played young.  We got sped up

Doc:  Hmm... talk about 'sped up'

Self:  You know, we played all sped up.  We were all young, and played all sped up, like you know, sped up.

Doc:  Talk about your teams reaction to UCLA's defense.

Self:  UCLA's defense was good, it was okay, but they're not great or anything.  We just missed alot of bunnies.  

Doc:  Bunnies...

Self:  Easy shots, chippies, lay-ups

Doc: Dunks too

Self:  Yeah, really didn't have anything to do with their defense.  We just missed the easy shots.  

Doc:  Seems to be something every team that plays UCLA  ends up saying after the game, that they just missed shots.

Self:  Hey, we created 25 turnovers.  Heh... take that.  

Doc:  Take what?

Self:  This was our year damnit.  We were the better team on paper, we were the No. 1 seed.  We had better players.

Doc:  Yes, comment on this theme.  You seemed cock-sure early in the first half.

Self:  What did you call me?

Doc:  I said you were cock-sure

Self:  A cock?!...

Doc:  Sure.  

Self:  You're a prick!

Doc:  No, I said cock.  But let's get back to your conceit.  You just got your Johnson handed to you by 15 points.  React -

Self:  React to this, we had the better team, better players, and we created 25 turnovers... they just hit some lucky shots with the clock running down.

Doc:  Like Shipp's shot at the half?

Self:  Yeah.  Luck.

Doc:  And Afflolo's?

Self:  Exactly.

Doc:  And Collison's?

Self:  A prayer!

Doc: And Roll's?

Self:  Sure that too.

Doc:  And the rest of the team that shot 50+% from the field?

Self:  Hey, listen, they're good, not great, but good.  We created 25 tur...

Doc:  I know... 25 turnovers.  Your perseveration concerns me.

Self:  25 turnovers.  And they weren't guarding us on the freethrow line, and we missed those too!  We beat ourselves damnit, we beat ourselves... had nothing to do with the Bruins...

Doc:  Um hmm.  UCLA defense quick hands looked like something out of The Matrix, but that had nothing to do with you, as you put it, "beating yourself."  

Self:  THAT'S RIGHT! LISTEN, THIS WAS OUR YEAR...

Doc:  Bill, you're decompensating.

Self:  ... WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WIN IT ALL... WE BEAT OURSELVES, WE BEAT OURSELVES, NOT THEM, THEY DID NOTHING...

Doc:  Well Bill, you know what the clinical term is for someone who repeatedly clings to beating himself?

Self:  [beady-eyed stare]

Doc:  ... a jackoff.  

<em>This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.</em>

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