A college football coach has proposed an improved method for selecting the season's finalists, known as the Benevolent Carroll System (BCS). As its name implies, it is selfless and designed to help the less fortunate ("Second Choice").
The improved BCS would take the East-Coast-biased polls standings, then add or subtract points based upon a complex computer program (one that requires a UCLA freshman to code). Here is the point scoring algorithm:
+10 Beat up on academic school founded by Thomas Jefferson (UVa)
+10 Rout winless conference foe with lame duck coach and QB out for the year (UW)
+10 Clobber rebuilding conference foe who hasn't won the Rose Bowl since World War I (WSU)
+10 Beat Big Ten rival famed for the largest back-to-back BCS championship game trouncings ever (OSU)
+10 Edge the only conference foe who has never reached the Rose Bowl (UA)
-2.5 This one requires algebra: -10 for losing to nondescript conference team who hasn't seen the Rose Bowl since Tommy Prothro coached there (OSU), divided by 2 since it was on road, divided by the square root of 4 since it was early in the season
+25 Recognition for having the highest-paid college player in history (Bush) and still not being under NCAA sanctions
+20 More advanced mathematics: 10 for having Heisman trophy winner (Leinert) date Paris Hilton, doubled for doing so after impregnating a Trojan basketballer
+10 Lifetime achievement points for athletic director who played under John McKay and therefore never had to go to class (Garrett)
+ 60 This one needs a laptop-supercomputer: 10 for having a Heisman trophy wife-beater, doubled for being currently incarcerated, and tripled for being found civilly liable for killing two defenseless persons
This method, uniformly applied, will ensure that the championship team always features a squad with a unique legacy.