If Franklin Pierce Adams, who penned the baseball classic "Tinker to Evers to Chance" in 1910, were alive today and witnessing "non"-professional collegiate football, he might be writing the following:

These are the baddest of possible words:

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Trio of rule breakers, and cheaters of course,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Ruthlessly pricking other coaches' bubble,

Recruiting players who are felonious double --

Programs that are heavy with nothing but trouble, 

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Of course he only needed one verse for the admirable infielders a century ago, but this disreputable trio would provide him plenty of material to add on (below the jump)...

These are the poorest of academic advancers,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Keeping an eye out for transcript enhancers,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Their students' textbooks are gathering moss,

Library cards are invariably lost,

No problem, just send them to Senora Ross,

Say "Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

These are so brazen with NCAA regs:

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

Serial violators leave the rest with the dregs,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Sark: recruiting violations are misunderstandings,

Lame: busted six times means unfair profiling, 

Cheat: paying Reggie Bush is just stimulus funding,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

With ill-gotten gains they must be the best,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

On top of the polls and dead-certain BCS,

Carroll and Kiffin and Sark.

Lame: thumped by Ole Miss and then by the cops,

Sark: a 3-3 start has appallingly dropped,

Cheat: 55 unto Stanford is his latest of flops,

"Carroll and Kiffin and Sark."

And of course the poem we are most waiting for: "Mighty Cheaty has struck out!"