Hello Kiffin: A Brief History

With the news that the program across town hired Hello Kiffin, a lovable cartoon feline 34 year old coach in his third job in three years, it's time to look at his history:

According to Pat Forde, "Paris Hilton has paid more dues than [Hello] Kiffin."

After two years as offensive coordinator at the University of Second Fourth Choice, he jumped ship and became head coach of the Oakland Raiders.  While offensive coordinator, the offense managed only 9 points in losing to a Dorrellian football team.  Of the playcalling of Hello Kiffin and current UW coach Sarkesian, Norm Chow reportedly stated, "I know DeWayne Walker may be better than both of those guys"  "DeWayne Walker is a heck of a football coach, which is why I wasn't too surprised he did what he did at UCLA." 

After going 4-12 in his first season with the Raiders, Al Davis reportedly asked Kiffin to resign.  (Davis has disputed much of Chris Mortensen's reporting.)  After only four games in the 2008 season, in which Hello Kiffin and the Raiders went 1-3, Davis fired Kiffykins, culminating in a nasty back and forth involving Davis, Kiffykins, Mortensen, and a bizarre overhead projector presentation that appeared to be of 1988 vintage.  In the Davis press conference, Kiffykins was accused of an "'immature and destructive campaign' of criticizing the team in the media" and Davis referred to Hello Kiffin as a "flat-out liar". 

Before the firing, numerous reports essentially said that Kiffin was trying to get himself fired.  Among his comments were "We don't have a general manager; everything goes through the owner,"  "That sets up a difficult situation at times. Knowing who the owner is, you know from Day 1 there's no job security."  While these sentiments about how Davis runs the team are somewhat understandable, there is no job security in the NFL, regardless of who the owner is.  Hello Kiffin went into the Raiders job with his eyes wide open and essentially dared Davis to fire him.  Davis obliged. 

Despite the messy breakup with the Raiders, Tennessee fans were unhappy with Phil Fulmer's recent performance and fired Fulmer, hiring Kiffykins thereafter.  In his short time on Rocky Top, Hello Kiffin displayed a stunning and cavalier lack of regard for NCAA rules:

The more Kiffin opens his mouth, the more you wonder whether Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis got it right when he canned the coach four games into the 2008 season. I mean, who knew the famed Power T logo at Tennessee stood for "Talk"?

 

Thursday morning at a breakfast attended by more than 1,000 fans, Kiffin started stuffing his feet in his mouth. First, he said he was going to "turn Florida in right here in front of you" for violating NCAA recruiting rules. According to Kiffin, Gators coach Urban Meyer called recruit Nu'Keese Richardson during the wide receiver's visit to Knoxville.

"Just so you know, when a recruit's on another campus, you can't call a recruit on another campus," Kiffin said. "I love the fact that Urban had to cheat and still didn't get him."

Man-made devices wouldn't have been able to measure the size of Kiffin's smirk. Problem is, Kiffin was spectacularly and laughably wrong.

Also during his tenure at Tennessee, Hello Kiffin hired a graduate assistant who was not your typical GA:

It is clever, totally within the rules, and disingenuous, further evidence that Tennessee will counter any and all fears of inexperience at the head coaching spot by surrounding Lane Kiffin with nothing less than a battalion of experienced coaches.

 

Kiffykins made derogatory statements about fertile recruiting area Pahokee, Florida, an area that produced star recruit, Tennessee commit, and alleged armed robber Nu'Keese Richardson.  In his continued efforts to tweak UF and Urban Meyer, Kiffykins also apparently refused to vote for Tim Tebow as preseason All-SEC QB.

In his short time at Tennessee, the Lame Kitten also managed to rack up an impressive string of recruiting violations for such a short tenure, and claimed that NCAA invesigations are a compliment.  Here's to plenty of "compliments" for SUC in the future.