"Cleansing": Listing All The Classic Frustrating/Agonizing/Nightmarish Bruin Scenarios In Berkeley
by Nestor on Oct 7, 2010 10:45 AM PDT
in Football
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PrintGuess we will pound home the point again that UCLA has not beaten Cal at Strawberry Canyon since 1998. With a shaky QB, disinterested WRs (they play like it at times), questionable and soft defense with undisciplined secondary, and often bored DC who doesn't get aggressive till the second half, it doesn't seem like the Bruins have much of a shot this season either.
Depending on where you look the Bruins are somewhere between 7.5 to 8 points underdog this Saturday. They are facing a well rested Bear team which has had two weeks to exorcise their Nevada demons. Oh sure we have this nice, shiny revolver thingy that has generated some "hope" in recent weeks. However, as Rick Neuheisel said himself "hope" is not much of a strategy. From what we have seen it doesn't seem like Bruins have anything else going for them against California Bears.
As always, there are those "IFs." The Bruins will have a shot IF they can manage the clock, don't turn the ball over, don't give up the big plays, and create some of their own by putting pressure on Riley and the Bear offense. I don't really see it happening, not after watching what has unfolded for the Bruins in recent years at Memorial Stadium.
All of you should know the drill by now. As always if you don't want to think about nightmares around a bumbling, fumbling, uninspired UCLA team putting together a horrid performance, then just like last week you need to STOP READING NOW and walk away. But if you want to partake in yet another cleansing exercise and get it all out of your system take a leap with us to the other (dark/cranky/dreary) side.
Let's go over all the ugly scenarios that could play out. They seem pretty obvious ones given our history in this past decade:
- UCLA offense comes out throwing and dropped passes from Morrell Pressley, Cory Harkey and Taylor Embree. Bruins do get a first down but then gets bogged down because of a block in the back from Ricky Marvray.
- Cal offense comes out and just rolls on to a nice and comfortable TD in their first drive. Kevin Riley gets no pressure from the front-4. Our CBS give the Cal WRs about 35 yard cushion. We do appear to stop them once around the red zone but the stop is negated by a PI call on Aaron Price.
- Cal goes up by more 2 TDs in first half. The Bruins finally put together a drive getting all the way down to Bears' 5 yard line but has to settle for a FG.
- Bruins finally close the gap to 10 points but Tedford's Bears promptly march down the length of the field for a quick TD before the half.
- Jeremy Ross goes the distance to open the second half and returns kickoff for a TD.
- Kevin Prince looks mostly ineffective in the first half just like he did against Oregon last year (after coming back from injury). Chow finally decides to give Richard Brehaut a shot but he looks befuddled against the Bears' defense.
- Cal converts at least 5 3rd and long situations going well over 15 yards.
- Shane Vereen rushes for around 180+ yards ripping off chunks in 18, 28, 35, and 58 yards against Bullogh's classic soft, vanilla Bruin defense.
- Kevin Riley barely gets sacked once, throwing for over 220 yards, 3 TDs and no picks.
- Kai Forbath kicks 3 FGs over 40 yards making no difference in the game.
- Our pride and joy - the OL - gets called for 4 holding penalties, gives up 4 sacks and barely generates around 3.8 yards per carry.
- Jet Ski fumbles the ball while the Bruins get themselves in scoring position. Derrick Coleman gets stuffed near the goal line. Malcolm Jones just looks completely lost.
Like I told you above it wasn't going to be pretty.
As for you "wellread" pollyannas of course a miracle can always happen. Here is the problem with that theory. It already happened in Austin once this season. So the lightning is not going to strike for this Bruin team again this season against a very good Pac-10 team on the road, which has had this Saturday circled as one of the most important games of the season. However, if for some reason a miracle does take place (even though I am pretty convinced it ain't happen), as always would be more than happy to eat crow.
So what else are we missing here? Here is your chance everyone to go relentlessly negative! Let's make this one thread where you can let it all out before we get ready for Saturday. Perhaps at the very least it will allow to clear our mind heading into game day. Consider this a pre-emptive negative mojo strike for this Saturday. Unfortunately for us we have been living through those scenarios for more than a decade.
GO BRUINS.
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DC
We come out regardless of down or situation and play a base prevent defense.
Wow
I thought Cal fans were relentlessly negative and pessimistic. Honestly, your nightmare scenario has zero chance of happening. Both our teams are inconsistent enough that anything can happen in this game. I suspect that the home field advantage may tip the scales towards the Bears, but I’m expecting a closely fought game.
a quick request
not sure about anyone else, but I think that hypotheticals involving injuries to our players should be off-limits in these cleansing threads. We seem to generally steer clear, but a couple of people brought them up last week. I for one would feel horrible if someone got injured after a hypothetical injury here, much less than if (say) JetSki fumbled the ball after colliding with a SPTR and the ball was returned for a TD after it was foreshadowed here…
Completely agree
I think I have stayed away from that. If I strayed somewhere let me know and I will edit (and apologize to our player) accordingly.
I'm guilty
of doing that last week. I regretted writing that as soon as I clicked “post”. I would feel like crap if I wrote something and it came true.
But Doctor Lou is always totally sandbagging
I just don’t see any reason for hope when it comes to UCLA football.
Jetski fumbles four times, KP throws three picks...
…and somehow, the Bruins still only trail by seven with a minute left, and are driving easily down the field until Rosario volleyballs a first down catch right into the hands of a Cal DB. Ah well…moral victory?
Rosario is not playing this weekend - most likely out
But don’t worry … the ball is going to bounce of Embree’s chest and right into a Cal DB.
Maybe not the most "nightmarish"
But maybe it is….our defensive line pushes the Cal offensive line all over the field on first and second down resulting in many sacks, poor throws and runs for short gain/losses. This results in many 3rd and 9 to 3rd and 14 plays in which Cal converts on our vanilla prevent defense. UCLA’s defense gets chipped away and cannot get off the field leaving them more and more tired as the game goes on. Bruin fans across the country are left bald as they have pulled more and more hair our with each 3rd down as they know what happens time and time again. Our offense looks lively, bringing in a stellar passing game to complement our run attack….but it’s all negated by a Cal team that scores 49pts and beats us by one TD
Just pile it on Nestor....
And because I’ll be at work w/o the game on, I’ll have to watch it on the ESPN gametracker. My anguish will be about 2 minutes behind all of yours, but it’ll be there.
ESPN Game ticker Anguish
That reminds me of the game in 2000 when we lost by a TD with a score in the high 30s/low 40s. Had to follow that one while watching some boring Big-10 game at a bar out in DC. Beyond painful.
Over the Air vs. Cable
At our house, the little tv in the kitchen was over the air, the living room tv was hooked up to cable. During the Notre Dame game at South Bend, my wife was in kitchen toward the end of the game, and I hear OH NO!!!! 5 seconds (seemed like an hour) I see them score.
That's why I don't talk with my dad on the phone during Bruin games...
My delay here in Virginia is enough that he’s already reacting when our guys are about to snap the ball. It’s terrible.
On a somewhat happy note (despite this being the doom and gloom thread), Ted Miller doesn’t really think we have a chance of winning this one. With his knowledge and foresight record, that’s gotta be good for our guys. I’ll amend my nightmare scenario: Ted Miller and T.J. Simers both become huge UCLA fans and can’t stop talking about how great the Bruins are and all of the potential they see in our team. Lee Corso uses each Saturday to put on the Joe Bruin head and ensure our defeat each weekend. Our program falls apart, our recruits decommit, Neuheisel gets hired as Sarkisian’s OC, Chow makes his way back across town to join Hello Kiffin. Dan Guerrero takes a page from Cal’s notebook and decides to give our football program the axe.
After all the above...
We punt the ball in an effort to throw the white flag and the Bears return it 80 yards for another TD, thus sending any remaining Bruin fans towards the exits.
And the worst thing of all is:
Our best player Arnet, missed the bus to Cal, thus assuring us of a defeat.
by LongtimeBru on Oct 7, 2010 11:38 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
how about this
terrible game all round, makes the Cal-Arizona game look like an offensive masterclass. Game remains scoreless into the 4th quarter not due to defensive stops but to repeated penalties on both offenses.
Riley fumbles in the endzone on 3rd and long after AkAy ignores CCB’s prevent play call, hurdles three defenders and gets to the QB. Owa falls on the ball for his first TD as a Bruin, but the SPTRs rule that Riley was down and so award a safety instead to give UCLA a 2-0 lead.
On the ensuing possession, UCLA punts on 4th and 1 at the 45 with a little over 2 minutes on the clock. Riley starts spraying the ball around as we sag off him. Sheldon Price makes a big hit on a WR to force a fumble, but gets too caught up taunting the guy on the ground to look for the ball and a Cal OL recovers it.
Cal gets within 50 yard field goal range. The snap is bobbled, recovered and the Cal kicker makes a great adjustment, but pushes the ball just wide of the left upright – but CRN had called timeout right before the play, and the kick is reattempted. This time, no timeout is called, the snap and hold are on the money, but the ball sails wide right… right before Damien Holmes crashes through the holder and lays out the kicker for a penalty. At the third attempt, Cal kicks the game winning field goal.
Meg Whitman is in attendance, decides that if people are stupid enough to pay good money for such poor entertainment then there is no point in the state of California subsidizing education, and pledges to zero out the UC system from the California budget.
Despite Whitman’s unpopular new education policy, Jerry Brown loses the gubernatorial election after damaging footage of him from the game is released, discussing with DoctorMexican how they can get rich in the pay of the Mexican drug cartels if they can steer mariuana legislation through the legislature.
The UC system takes a huge financial hit under the new policy, leading Cal and UCLA to attempt to furlough all academic staff for 2 days per week, but many leave for Stanford and u$c, prompting a full page ad in the LA Times declaring that “the academic monopoly in LA is over”
Blake Arnet, in attendance at the game as honorary captain, announces his defection to Cal during the half time show, where his true talents are recognized and he leads Cal to their first NCAA basketball championship before becoming the 3rd overall pick in the NBA draft (ahead of seven UCLA players who declare early).
by britishbruin on Oct 7, 2010 11:47 AM PDT reply actions 10 recs
Good stuff British
My favorite line :
Sheldon Price makes a big hit on a WR to force a fumble, but gets too caught up taunting the guy on the ground to look for the ball and a Cal OL recovers it.
I hate you BB
I now have diet soda all over my keyboard. Came out of my nose. It was the Blake Arnet line that did it. Damn you British and your ironic dry humor.
Oh UCLA you sweet bitch, you've BRUINed me for anything else.
Another close loss
The team gets to the stadium only to find out that Kevin Prince overslept after taking an Advil PM instead of the regular one. Brehaut starts the game and hits 6 straight passes, carving up the Bears defense. Then, on 1st and goal at the Cal 6 yard line, Chow inexplicably calls a reverse that results in a loss of 8 yards. JetSki fumbles on the next play at the Cal 2 yard line.
Cal recovers. On the first play, Riley drops back to pass but Ayers had sommersaulted over the defensive line and catches the ball with his feet and lands in the end zone for a touchdown…but Hester was holding a receiver by the belt and pulled down his pants, so the TD does not count. On the next play, Shane Vereen runs through 34 arm tackles and rumbles into the end zone.
Offense has 2 successive 3 and outs. On the second one, the Cal punt returner breaks a bunch of tackles and takes it to the UCLA 4 yard line, with Locke saving the TD. But Riley hits a wide open tight end to make it 14-0.
In the second half, the futility continues as every pass is dropped by the wide receivers. Even Ryan Taylor can’t hold on to the ball and dribbles the snap a couple of times. Meanwhile, Kevin Prince made it to the stadium at halftime but isn’t allowed to play until the fourth quarter.
Defense allows two 3rd down completions on 3rd and 13 and 3rd and 9, setting up a Cal field goal. It’s 17-0.
In the fourth quarter, the offense comes to life with Prince as the Cal defense gets tired, with JetSki and Coleman breaking a couple of long runs each. The defense has meanwhile tightened up, and it is now 17-7. Larimore delivers a huge hit on Riley, and Westgate recovers and runs it to the end zone. The score is 17-14.
Cal is rattled and only gains one first down, then has to punt. 6 minutes left in the game, ball at the UCLA 18. The Filthy Five take over, creating a time consuming drive, and get to the Cal 40 yard line with less than a minute to go. The drive bogs down, and it is now 4th and 10 with 20 seconds to go. Forbath nails the 52 yard field goal, but it is called back because of holding. He now has to attempt a 62 yard field goal, but just as they line up, some Berkeley students have a sit in at the Cal 20 yard line and refuse to leave the field. They are protesting the mistreatment of earthworms on football fields. Larimore flattens one of them and they finally leave. Kai lines up and hits a beautiful kick…that hits a crow in mid-air and sails just wide. Cal wins 17-14.
But hey, what do I know. I’m just the 800 lbs bruin in the room.
by tasser10 on Oct 7, 2010 12:48 PM PDT reply actions 3 recs
While it's healthy to get outside and do other things on the weekend....
I’d be checking my cellphone, blackberry etc for updates on the game. You can go do outdoor activities next weekend during the bye week. This Saturday, you get to figure out if Jekyll or Hyde is starting on the defense.
love it
but does someone at least get to eat the crow?
Shhh
The crow is the key to this whole post!
But hey, what do I know. I’m just the 800 lbs bruin in the room.
Oh crap!
We need the jackrabbit badly! Nestor you need to email him!
But hey, what do I know. I’m just the 800 lbs bruin in the room.
The game IS at Cal
so Tedford suits up his home team. You know, his good players. His road players get the weekend off and spend their time not showering and wondering how Nevada has so few trees.
The game is at Cal, so only half of UCLA’s roster makes the trip. You know, our third and fourth stringers. Our first and second stringers spend the weekend with their girlfriends, none of whom look like they Don King in a headlock, (#16 on the top 100 reasons Cal is jealous of UCLA)
The game IS at Cal, so state budget cuts force UCLA to fly to SFO, SFO being 12 miles closer to LAX than OAK.
The game IS at Cal, so the Bruins are picked up at the airport in a hybrid bus, which runs silently, but lacks the horsepower to climb to the high point of the Bay Bridge. The team is forced to walk the rest of the way to Berkeley. They are further harassed by roving gangs of Ray-duh fans marauding at the east end of the Bridge. It is only when CRN assures them that he too thought Jamarcus Russell was a poor draft choice that the team is released. However, they keep both Darius Bell and Nick Crissman, along with a nice shrubbery, as tax for passage. Bell is conscripted to start for the Ray-duhs on Sunday against SD.
The game IS at Cal, so the Bruins make their way across the lovely Berkeley campus. On walk to the stadium, unlikely starter and 5th string QB (and as yet undiscovered top 20 all time NFL’er) Blake Arnet is injured when a Berkeley student falls out of a tree and lands on him. Arnet’s injury prevents him from getting meaningful minutes, and he can only complete 2 of 4 passes, both for 20.9 yds, in limited mop-up action.
The game IS at Cal, so history holds form. Cal 74, UCLA 12, but it is really a closer game than the score would suggest. Cal fans resurrect their dreams of a meaningful football program, which thrive until their next road game.
greg in denver - UCLA guy for life
by gbruin on Oct 7, 2010 1:27 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Did the marauders
also say “icky icky icky”?
But hey, what do I know. I’m just the 800 lbs bruin in the room.
Unlike me, it is really nice to have people on this blog that are
creative and can manipulate the English language in such a way as to entertain the lower life forms such as myself. I commend those of you who do this with such descriptive eloquence. I am humbled.
Go Bruins!!!!!
The game starts off horribly when Franklin fumbles, gets spun around, picks up the ball but runs the wrong way into his own end zone. He drops the ball once he gets there and a Cal player picks it up for the touchdown. It only gets worse that day as the UCLA offense gets a net negative yardage, the worst in UCLA history. It’s so bad that RN quits at halftime and promotes Bullough to be our new coach. Bullough punts on 1st down every time so he can play more base defense.
The team returns home to find a giant sinkhole has swallowed the Rose Bowl.
hwn44
emailed you your original post which you can repost without any mention of injury to our guys. Let’s not even go there. Thanks!
Deja Vu All Over Again
The California defense finishes off a spectacular day by keeping UCLA out of the end zone during a fourth-quarter goal-line stand and the Golden Bears defeat the Bruins 13-12. UCLA, which got a safety on the game’s final play as Cal ran out the clock, had first-and-goal twice during the pivotal series, but it ended with Cal’s Mike Mohamed blocking a 22-yard field-goal try by Playboy All-American Kai Forbath.
Shane Vereen ran 74 yards for the game-winning touchdown with 2:08 left, but the defense was the star for the Bears limiting UCLA to 226 total yards (all rushing).
The Bruins’ best chance to score came on third down, when a pass by transfer quarterback Darius Bell, playing before his friends and family, went through the hands of a wide-open Corey Harkey in the end zone. Then Mohamed came up with his big block. UCLA played most of the second half without starting quarterback Kevin Prince, who was carted off with 12:02 left in the third quarter. Prince was replaced by freshman Richard Brehaut, but Brehaut broke up with his girlfriend earlier in the game and was unconsolable. Bell fumbled on his second play from scrimmage and the first time he dropped back to pass. Cal had a season-high seven sacks, including five of Prince in the first half, when UCLA had just -7 yards passing.
Cal’s quarterback was consistently inconsistent, completing only 13 of 30 passes for 130 yards and a touchdown. But his 24-yard TD pass in the fourth quarter gave the senior quarterback the most TD passes in Cal history, surpassing Kyle Boller, who (in 2002) passed Pat Barnes. The TD was set up as Bell fumbled a snap after lining up behind Savage instead of Taylor and Cal recovered the ensuing fumble at the Bruins 24. The point after was blocked by Akeem Ayers giving the Bruins one last shot at exorcising the demons. The demons prevailed.
Hmmmm...
Let’s say that KP was carted off because he was so depressed, yeah? No injuries.
But hey, what do I know. I’m just the 800 lbs bruin in the room.
Because of this game...
and others after, CB gets fired. Blessing in disguise.
I'm afraid of a 1 point loss.
(That’s what I wrote in the WSU thread, so I am sticking to it here.)
B+
my only fear is that Cal doesn’t play to their potential when UCLA beats them down tomorrow.
GOT 106? UCLA, LEGENDS MADE HERE. NO DOUBTS, NO EXCUSES, NO MERCY.
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