Michigan conducted a self-investigation of compliance issues involving its football program. They turned in 150 pages of material to the NCAA and put themselves on 2 years probation. Michigan emphasized its 104 years of fielding pigskin squads of the highest integrity (until Rich Rod).
I checked with Danica McKellar. Her arithmetic extrapolation from the Michigan case to the Trojan one produced the following results:
a. Send a convoy of paperwork to the NCAA. Similar in size to what was delivered to Judge Sanders Saul during the 2000 Florida recount of Bush vs. Gore. Convoy leader drives a Bronco. NCAA investigators will complete analysis of this new data in 2047 (one standard deviation).
b. Put themselves on 2 centuries' probation. No vacated wins, championships, Heismans, scholarships. However, all coaches during this period must be lineal issue of Monte Kiffin.
c. Emphasize 104 years of academic shortcomings, criminal activity, and NCAA violations. Toot the horn of "cash cow." Have Jerry Buss and friends contribute to "Cadillac plan" of health care for NCAA staff. No need to stay close to the phone.