Our first lesson was translating from Trogan into English from Max Nicias (the new USC President)'s first public statement. You can find it at:
Now you can peruse Lane Kiffin's suspension remarks about Dillon Baxter at the following url, then read along below for the translation.
"I'm leaning towards him focusing on the academic semester and getting off to a great start."
In the one week he's not in Hawaii, assuming he doesn't party and do what got him suspended in the first place, he can register for Senora Ross' class and give his pertinent information to the "tutors" who will be taking his tests and writing his papers.
"... also it would probably be a distraction for him to be on the sidelines for an ESPN game..."
Where he can saddle up behind Erin Andrews and make lewd gestures, er, dance moves, which will end up on YouTube and likely have her sue us for continued lack of institutional control of our thugs.
"We're focused on the players who are going to be playing in the game."
We've got the local "hostesses" already lined up for them. Oops, the Athletic Director says we're to refer to them as "student ambassadors."
"I think it's an ongoing process."
We make it up as we go. Like, you know, when I suspended Havilli, then let him come back after one day ,when he wasn't well enough to practice anyway. And actually I wasn't going to suspend him at all, but those Bruins Nation guys raised such a fuss I had to come down with the (ha ha) hammer.
"It's like raising children."
It should be done just the way the defensive coordinator, my dad, raised me. And see how great I came out?
"Just because they get a little bit better it doesn't mean they're not going to regress at times."
Like, you know, OJ regressed. And at Tennessee after his first crime my top recruit Myles has regressed again. Or check Wikipedia on my lead recruiter, Ogre.
"With [Baxter] it's something we're constantly on, and he says the right things, that he's learned from it..."
We'll accept anything he says, but don't ask us to have him state what he actually did that got him to miss this one early, non-conference, meaningless contest.
"...his actions will speak a lot louder than his words, so we'll see."
Which is why our new Compliance Office is stuffed full of attorneys, whose attorney-client privilege will keep any of you from knowing what regressing he actually commits.
Baxter and Kiffin would not get into the specifics of the suspension
It's part of our new "transparency" approach. You Don't Ask, and we Don't Tell.
Stay tuned for Lesson 3. I'm sure it won't be long. (Someone tuning in can surely earn a doctorate by translating Cheat Pete's book from Trogan to English.)