Our first lesson was translating from Trogan into English from Max Nicias (the new USC President)'s first public statement.  You can find it here.

Lesson 2 was from Lane Kiffin. See here.

Today's lesson, senores, is from Pres. Nicias' new hire, AD Pat Haden.  Full story is here with translation below:

Reggie Bush would give back the Heisman trophy "If I were Reggie Bush with Pat Haden's soul."

But since he is Reggie Bush with Pete Carroll's soul, don't look for it in the mail anytime soon.

"Do we need to do things better? Absolutely."

We need to do a better job of covering our tracks, stonewalling, you know.  That's why our "compliance office" is full of lawyers who stamp everything "attorney-client privilege."

"I think Pete was looking or a new challenge."

Like selling books on how to compete without telling how he actually operated.

"I don't think he was running from what was about to happen."

I know he was running.

"... the NCAA report says that we must disassociate ourselves from Reggie."

And OJ2.  But not OJ or Pete, so we'll continue to revere them.  Not many schools can have a Wooden, you know.

If he had been hiring a football coach, Lane Kiffin would have been on his list.

On my list, yes.  Way way way down on my list.  Behind all of the folks who turned us down, um, Fisher, Del Rio, Riley, Sark, a bunch more.  And behind some others, Susan Boyle, Sarah Palin, Lane's father, wife, brother-in-law.  You get the picture.

"I think every program around the country has to be more diligent with their high-profile athletes, not just USC."

Especially because we don't have any.  Coach Carroll already pointed out that Reggie wasn't one, so of course none of our stupid, er, student athletes qualify.