With apologies to Gene Ptiney and writers Burt Bachrach and Hal David:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkYRPumSU_8

Dearest Plaschke I had to write 

To say that I won't stay home anymore

'Cause something happened to me while I was suspended

And I'm not in shame that's for sure.

Oh, I was only 24 hours from practice

Ah only one day away from the team

The coach was off on a flight so as leader I started a fight

And that is when I saw him

As he flaked out on running the wind sprints

He cussed me out and

So I ran 30 yards up to him

Asked why he dissed me and how could he be so unTrogan as all that?

Oh, I was only 24 hours from practice

Ah only one day away from the team

He took me for a pug;  I told him he was a thug

He said, "Okay"

Oh, I was only 24 hours from practice

Ah only one day away from the team

The spirits started to get high

And intelligence went down dialoguing in a most scholarly way

All of a sudden I lost control as I got in his face

And a slugged him, in the kisser

Broke his cheekbone, 'cuz I missed something dearer 

Oh, I was only 24 hours from practice

Ah only one day away from the team

I've hated going to class

But Lane has caved like an ass

Suspension's through!  

And I can always always do crime again.