Trogan-to-English: The Alphabet

by ucla7477 on Oct 16, 2011 6:40 PM PDT

Bumped. -BN Eds.

The LA Times has a lengthy Simers interview-and-story about Lane Kiffin. I'll spare you Lane's revisionist history about his Oakland Raiders experience, his non-excuse excuse for SC's win-loss record last year, his opaque defense of his dad the defensive (in more ways than one) coordinator, etc. What does stand out is his declaration that he can win national championships, and the reason why. "Sure we can.... We were here before. We saw exactly how it was done from A to Z."

Our sources obtained a copy of the top secret A to Z document. It is untouched from the Pete Carroll version, which in turn was only modestly updated from the John McKay original. It's after the Jump.

A -- "A", the guaranteed grade in Spanish (attendance not required)

B -- Ballroom dancing (keeps players eligible without taxing their minds)

D -- Dumb cheerleaders (morally flexible, celebrating the opponent's score)

E -- Excess (in all things nonacademic, for example, alcohol, steroids, criminal activity, spitting on ladies)

F -- Franklins (originally provided by Marv Goux)

G -- Girls (may go by the term "hostesses")

H -- Houses (provided to family of Heisman candidates)

I -- Internship with sports marketeers

J -- Justice system, waiver from

K -- Kardashian (another perk for Heisman candidates, movie included)

L -- Litigation services (confidentiality agreements our specialty)

M -- McKaying (living for free with another, wealthier teammate)

N -- NCAA payoffs and obstruction (assuring that today's misdeeds won't be sanctioned until long after your eligibility is complete)

O -- OJ (greeting players and recruits at spring practice)

P -- Police, ownership of (aka "Get out of Jail Free" card)

Q -- Quit, and get out of town, just before the NCAA sanctions come down

R -- Rey Rey "dancing", and all other forms of sexual harassment

S -- SUV (tricked out, with favorable parking spot at the practice field)

T -- Tutors (to write papers and sit for exams, freeing up valuable time for practice and extracurricular activity)

U -- United States China (philanthropical organization funding much of the above)

V -- Vice, most forms available (impregnating women's team basketballer, rooftop sex, etc.)

W -- "White Nation" Website

X -- "X", your signature on the Police Report

Y -- Yahoo, avoidance of (media interactions limited to Trogan Times and other fawning "journalists")

Z -- Zebras, purchased (with extra for UCLA, Notre Dame, or meaningful bowl game)

Oops, we forgot the most important letter, the lynchpin that made it all work for McKay and Carroll.

C -- CHEAT!

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.

Tweet Comment 20 comments | 1 recs |

Do you like this story?

Read More: trogan-to-english, UCLA Bruins

Comments

H: I might go for Hubris.

I am in awe of your ability to come up with every letter. Nice post. I love your posts 7477.

Go Bruins!

by uclaluv on Oct 16, 2011 5:19 PM PDT reply actions

Your H beats mine. so you can buy a vowel...

There were times when I wished that I had an alphabet of more than 26 letters to use. As you’ve demonstrated, many letters can have multiple Trogan usages,for example:
W — Whine
S — Suspension, one-day (the gravest punishment meted out to athletic offenders)
D — Dog fighting (practiced by one of the coaching staff)
C — “Consultant” (what you call a coach in excess of the NCAA limitations)
P —PlaSChke,ownership of

by ucla7477 on Oct 16, 2011 6:11 PM PDT up reply actions

McKaying almost made me spit up.

That was awesome.

The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother. John Wooden

by MexiBruin on Oct 16, 2011 7:10 PM PDT reply actions

Yes, it was not only the original (before Leinarting) but also it was practiced by the new Athletic Director who was brought in to assure the world of ethical practices and fair play.

by ucla7477 on Oct 16, 2011 7:31 PM PDT up reply actions

And that's why they call him Ethical Pat.

I don’t want to be negative at this point, but I think 7477 made a major assumption which is unwarranted. I think it is a stretch to assume that Lame knows all the letters between A and Z. I am sure he knows many of them, and maybe most of them. Surely not all of them, though, and certainly not in order.

by Fox 71 on Oct 16, 2011 7:45 PM PDT up reply actions

But Sra. Ross still gives him an "A"!

by ucla7477 on Oct 16, 2011 8:03 PM PDT up reply actions

Pretty sure Tame Kitten can refer to his blocks whenever he needs to know what follows A

The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother. John Wooden

by MexiBruin on Oct 18, 2011 5:04 PM PDT up reply actions

Another way to remember

ABC = A Born Cheater

by GoodTimesBruin on Oct 19, 2011 9:31 AM PDT up reply actions

Good one, GoodTimes

by Fox 71 on Oct 19, 2011 11:56 AM PDT up reply actions

Signature on the Police Report

My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

I still don’t understand why a person of Pat Haden’s character (which I guess I don’t understand now) would take on the impossible job of lassoing hundreds of whiny spoiled cheaters with bad attitudes?

Lastly, I guess I do not completely comprehend the level of stupidity $c cheerleaders. I’d appreciate anyone with more details. Thanks~

by iLOATHEscFOREVER on Oct 16, 2011 7:46 PM PDT reply actions

Go on Youtube and you'll find the Trogan cheerleader jumping up to celebrate the football score -- by the other team.

by ucla7477 on Oct 16, 2011 8:05 PM PDT up reply actions

Ethical Pat was an integral part of the cheating of his time.

He lived with his coach, in accommodations probably not that much different from the house bu$h’s parents lived in. He was there at just$c* during the Marv Goux scandal. (That’s probably findable on line.) He has never tried to defend that period of his life, and he has never apologized for it, mainly because no reporter has the nads to ask him about it. While you’re at it, look up Clarence Reece, and see what Clarence has to say. To suggest that Ethical Pat didn’t know what was going on is like saying Madoff’s first lieutenant or any of the bigshots at Enron didn’t know what was going on.

When you read some of what’s available, you won’t question Ethical Pat’s character. You’ll be convinced he doesn’t have one.

by Fox 71 on Oct 16, 2011 9:22 PM PDT up reply actions