(Breaking News!) Trogan-to-English: Frat Row

In case you haven't seen it online, below is the Huffington Post story on a couple caught on-camera having sex on a rooftop at the University of Sexual Crassness:

For our translation session, we hear from Frat Chief of Troy:

“appalled by the actions associated with the individuals in the pictures..."

Although I did download the shots for my Facebook photo gallery.

"...will work tirelessly to reverse the negative stereotypes such an action has perpetuated.”

We know at Troy how hard it is to dispel accurate portrayals of our culture.

"While the actions that were taken did involve a member of our chapter we, in no way, support this kind of behavior, nor do we promote any such actions,"

He, like all the rest of us hedonists, acted on his own.

the fraternity member seen in the photos had been suspended 

Coach Kiffin has put him on double-secret probation.

inquiries into the incident had been launched

They will proceed with all deliberate speed, on our patented Reggie Bush internal compliance timeline.

the fraternity member seen in the photos had been suspended "for conduct unbecoming of a Kappa Sigma and a gentleman."

An oxymoron if I've ever heard one.

Further information was provided by a house spokesman:

Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took a few liberties with our female party guests -- we did. But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg ... isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do what you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!

UPDATE: THE ADMINISTRATION TAKES SWIFT AND STRONG ACTION...

USC officials said they are considering whether disciplinary action is necessary

It's in our in-box right behind the McKnight file.

university officials are investigating whether the apparent romp on the top of 12-story red brick edifice constituted a violation of university policies that prohibit unauthorized access to building roofs.

We own the architects?

"...the university does not publicly discuss issues of campus discipline because of prevailing privacy laws and concerns."

As a private "institution of higher learning," we cover up wherever we can.  

By way of background, it turns out that:

In the middle of the day.  With supposedly a crowd of a few hundred people in the quad below them.  During a philanthropy event.

The "It was all for a good cause" defense.  

+++++++++++++++++

BREAKING NEWS:

They've identified (name not disclosed) the male roofer:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1371720/USC-sex-roof-scandal-Young-lothario-caught-camera-high-rise-tryst-goes-hiding.html?ITO=1490

MailOnline can reveal the young lothario  IS a USC student from a wealthy Californian family.

Oh shoot, I bet the mortgage that he was a first-generation American and the first in his family to attend college.   

He...  is also a keen sports player.

Gasp!  He, he, he's an athlete!  Holy smokes, I'd would never have guessed one of the Southern Cal "sports" could possibly have done this.  I was so sure he was a pre-med!

The student photographed having sex on the roof of a college building was in hiding today as the fallout from the lurid images threatened to engulf him.

Did he drive away in a Bronco?

The scandal has electrified the university's student body

And just when they were so hard at work cramming for midterms...

The disgraced fraternity member's wealthy parents live in a highly respectable beach community in southern California.

Providing the basis for their son to be admitted as a "legacy."

 

 

 

'He has had to make a formal apology to sororities at the college.'

 

It was not learned whether he was clothed at the time.

And now that the Times is on the case, we learn about the university (sic)'s tough response. http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/03/photos-showing-couple-having-sex-on-usc-building-roof-displayed-poor-judgement-official-says.html

Officials at USC said they believed the incident in which two people apparently had sex on the roof of a campus building was an isolated one.

Because he got caught.

Denzil Suite, associate vice president at USC for student affairs, told the Los Angeles Times in an email that university officials were not concerned with the Kappa Sigma fraternity, the overwhelming majority of whose members "comport themselves in a manner consistent with the ideals of the organization and the university."

As evidenced by the fraternity's recent viral e-mail which is far too disgusting (and inappropriate for people of all ages) to even to link to from Bruins Nation.

"Rather it is about the poor judgment of one of our students and his guest," Suite said.

OJ,too, was guilty of poor judgment.

 

The Daily Trojan reported Wednesday that fraternity officials were considering a new program to educate members on the “importance of maintaining positive social images.”

When relating to the opposite gender, we want you to behave like Leinart, Rey Rey, Sanchez, and Ogre.

And in Britain they managed to drill down into the dire disciplinary action.  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/8417178/Student-suspended-from-fraternity-for-having-sex-with-girl-on-university-roof.html

Denzil Suite, USC Associate Vice President of Student Affairs, told the university's Daily Trojan newspaper: "To say that we are disappointed in this type of behaviour does not begin to capture the seriousness with which we regard this type of activity."

Well, actually, it pretty much does.

"While I cannot speak to specific actions which will be taken with any individual, suffice to say that this type of conduct cannot go unaddressed."

But it can, and of course will, go unpunished.

How many more translations can the adults-in-charge furnish in the coming weeks?