The L.A. Times put out their annual announcement of the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books. It was held for several years at UCLA, where I went twice to (naturally) get Coach to autograph his books for me. Now the Times has moved the event to South Central, providing more opportunities for translating Trogan into English (in this case English Lit).
Let's start with the main story (Welcome).
... a fun-filled weekend-long community celebration that is sure to educate, inspire, and entertain the entire family.
The people there will receive the new experience of being educated.
"Our new home at USC offers an exciting next chapter..."
Well, not really a home. Everyone knows it's not safe to live there.
"We'll be expanding popular programming.."
Rather than the serious, intellectual, cultured stuff.
"... and enhancing exhibitor activations..."
I'm not sure what this even means. There were some activated exhibitors on the Campus rooftop, so maybe they plan an encore?
"The Campus offers more places to relax..."
In lieu of classrooms, libraries, special exhibits, etc.
USC.. will transform into a village of intellectual excitement...
The transformation, like Cinderella's, expires at the stroke of midnight, then they return to the far more popular and traditional pigskin-worshipping and other chauvinist antics.
... inquisitive panel discussions and celebrity interviews with Times journalists...
Bill PlaSChke will regale the audience with a comprehensive history of the fishwrap's heavy-duty investigative reporting of the Reggie Bush scandal.
Bring the whole family... and participate in an assortment of kids' activities...
Boy, Mom, look at those people up on the roof! I've never seen anything like this! I just put it on YouTube.
Then the Prez of Troy adds his two cents:
"The enthusiasm on our campus is building!"
Well, not exactly. Not like for the frat boy on the roof. Or for the Cheat Pete practices with all the runners, marketeers, groupies, and a double-killer who, of course, is a revered member of our Trogan family.
Like Matt Leinart in study hall, OJ Simpson testifying in his latest trial, Pete Carroll doing his Sgt. Schultz imitation, Rey Rey auditioning for Dancing with the Stars, and the piece de resistance, Sra. Ross dramatically announcing the final grades for Spanish.
"We promise a vibrant two days."
Which is a really really long time. Twice as long as the harsh suspensions Lane Kiffin imposes on his non-student-athletes.
"We hope you join us for this intellectually inspiring weekend."
But don't think of dropping in on a weekday. You won't find anything of the sort.
I hope the attendees really do get something good out of the Festival of Crooks, er, Books. But I know they won't have Coach signing any books there; SC will continue to be Second Choice.