Trogan-to-English: Sanctioned Cheaters

Bumped. - BN

Now that the University of Sanctioned Cheaters (aka U. of Soiled Championships, U. of Spotless Carroll, etc.) has lost its appeal of NCAA penalties, several members of the "university" community have stepped aside from their studies and research to demonstrate their understanding and remorse for their wrongdoing. Or not.  We'll take the Trogan responses as reported in multiple sources, then translate.

First report comes from MSNBC. We begin with angry, er, Mad Max.

President  C. L. Max Nikias 
"We are extremely disappointed in this result. 

We paid good money to influence the appeal and it didn't work.  We expected a hand slap as we are used to, and as we alone deserve.

We are very concerned that the historical value of case precedent and the right to fair process in the NCAA adjudicative process, both in terms of the ability of an institution to defend itself or prove an abuse of discretion on appeal, have been substantially eroded.

We don't like a process that allows us to not testify under oath or bring our chief culprits, er, victims, before impartial questioners.  We are entitled to the same defense as OJ got on his murder rap.

Further, the decisions of the COI and IAC have set a standard that leaves little, if any, room to discipline more egregious violations that will be addressed by the NCAA in the future without irreparably damaging athletic programs across the country.

Other than the Death Penalty, which we so much deserve but so much wish to leave unmentioned.

 Notwithstanding this troubling concern and our grave disappointment, we will look forward to the future."

Where we will resume our pursuit of academic excellence, Nobel Prizes, rooftop philanthropy, and everything else that we know is so much more important than football.

After the jump, Ethical Pat joins in.


AD Pat Haden
"I was part of the USC team that met with the Infractions Appeals Committee on January 22nd.  

Todd McNair was not.  Mike Garrett was not.  Pete Carroll was not.  Reggie Bush was not.  In fact, we made sure that nobody who was clearly guilty was part of our posse.

Although I am gravely disappointed, I can assure our student-athletes, coaches and fans that we made every possible argument — forcefully and vigorously — for modifying unjust penalties."

We made each of the following persuasive arguments that I developed in law school:

1.  Trogan envy (my predecessor helped me with this one)

2.  Nothing went on, but if it repeatedly did, Pete Carroll never knew anything about it.

3.  I got improper benefits when I played for Troy and no one penalized us for them.  So the NCAA induced us to continue cheating, er, continuing with our compliance standards, for decades.

4.  Since they only singled out one of our family as a liar, the penalties need to be limited to one game (the Lane Kiffin metric).

Speaking of whom, he piles on:


His Kiffiness
"I respect the NCAA’s decision to uphold the sanctions against USC. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that's what the NCAA gave to me.  In any event, Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me.

That being said, I am disappointed for our players, our fans and our staff that another bowl game and now a possible Pac-12 championship game has been taken away from them.

Just like how we took away bowl games and championships from those who played by the rules and actually had their players go to class.

"I have been and always will be committed to making sure we are following all NCAA guidelines and bylaws to ensure that we are winning the right way."

Pinocchio's nose just enlarged and is now dragging on the pavement.

We turn now to another url, where team conscience Matt Leinart, oops, Barkley, sounds off:

"You look at the news today and see all the tornadoes and stuff that is going on in the Midwest, and you think about those families and how life is unfair for them," Barkley said. "And they have found a way to fight on in a sense. 

The sanctions are a natural disaster, an act of God if you will.  The tornado victims Fight On, just like we Cheat On.  Everyone compares us to the tornado victims, and the earthquake/tsunami victims.

So, we're going to find a way to fight on and make the most of this opportunity. 

Make the most of the opportunity to meet groupies, marketing agents, and an occasional professor.


 But in reality there's nothing we can why complain about it?"

Unless you're the school president. Then you have to, or the alums will cut you a severance package in a New York minute.

So far, Barkley thinks the team will remain intact.

"I haven't heard anything," Barkley said. "That doesn't mean that guys aren't thinking about it. But given the vibe of the team and having talked to the guys prior to the decision, it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. I could be wrong, but it doesn't look like that.  It looks like guys want to be here. They want to face this challenge and do something special with it."

None of the guys showed any reluctance to stick with Lame, Ogre, Ethical Pat, and this scandalous, cheating community.

Then we get the softer, gentler responses found in the Trogan Times at:

"It's not an unexpected result," Athletic Director Pat Haden said of the NCAA's decision to deny USC's arguments. "We're going to move forward.

It's not unexpected because the evidence was so overwhelming.   And because instead of self-reporting, we stonewalled, covered up, and even left town rather than own up to our own doings.  

"We have been operating with these sanctions for a year now and have felt their effects on multiple fronts," Coach Lane Kiffin said in a statement. 

They paid me tons extra to come here because they knew the program was caught red-handed and none of the prime coaching candidates would get anywhere near it.


"We will continue to execute the plan we have in place to make the most of the hand with which we have been dealt.

Like filing our frivolous appeal so we could stockpile more of our academically casual, criminally inclined, recruits.

"This is not uncharted territory for us, for this team, having dealt with the same situation last year," quarterback Matt Barkley said. 


There was Bush for years, McKnight for months, and a bunch more you saps haven't found out about yet.  So of course we're used to continuous scandals.  

"I think we can only improve on how to handle this."

We surely couldn't have done any worse.


Receiver Brandon Carswell, a fifth-year senior who contemplated transferring after the sanctions were handed down last summer, does not anticipate that seniors will leave despite another year of bowl ineligibility.

"'We all came here for a reason and bought into the program," he said. "All the seniors are in a good place right now."

Actually, the program bought into us.  Big time.  That's why we're still here.  It is a good place.  Especially on the rooftop.

USC said in a statement that it "respectfully, but vehemently" disagreed with the findings.


Well, not respectfully, but certainly vehemently.  That's why all of us are whining publicly instead of fessing up, or at least taking our lumps in a mature manner.

Despite the scholarship limitations -- the Trojans can sign a maximum of 15 players each of the next three years -- Haden said Kiffin could be successful.

"He's going to have challenges that other coaches haven't had here but I think we're up to the task," he said. "There's not a reason we can't be competitive."

He's ethically challenged, for one thing.  But he did a good job of stockpiling studs while we dragged out this whole NCAA process for him.

Haden also said that USC might take a more active lead in monitoring and crafting NCAA legislation.

"I think we need to have a better relationship with the NCAA," he said. "Like them or not, they are our governing body."


We want to take a lead role in watering down any regulations that might promote sportsmanship, fair play, academics, good character.  Those things would really kill us.

Now on to a source as unbiased as the L.A. Times:


Haden stated that USC would accept the penalties, and not sue the NCAA.

"We have decided to move on and make the most of our situation," Haden said. "We disagree with the findings, but I do think that the [NCAA’s Infractions Appeals Committee] itself is fair-minded."

We fear discovery like the plague.  They'd put Reggie, and Pete, and Mikey, and President Sample under penalty of perjury and ask about many, many, many things. 

"We have to look at ourselves in the mirror here," Haden said. "We could have, and should have, done things better. We had a player [former Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush] who knowingly did things wrong. We are not innocent here. We deserve some penalties, but it is the severity of the penalties that we think are unfair."

Nothing was ever done wrong by anyone except Reggie Bush, and nobody ever knew a hint about it, not even the guy the NCAA decided was lying.  As I mentioned before, we strongly believe a one-game ban is appropriate.


"Ultimately, there have been a lot of changes that have been made from last year’s team to now in regards to the attitude that the majority of the guys have," Barkley said. "I definitely think it will turn out better than it did last year."

You know, the guys spend every evening studying; they've even located the library.  And half of the weekend they spend with tutors who actually discuss the subject.  Everyone turned in their cars, their HDTVs, their signing bonuses.  Every single one of us has turned in his copy of Always Compete and replaced it with the Pyramid of Success.

I have not included filthy Twitter messages from Trogans; they need no translation.  Nor have I included responses by non-Trogans who are on the dole, e.g., the Pac-12 commissioner.


<em>This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.</em>

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