Trogan-to-World: University Rank Criteria

by ucla7477 on Aug 30, 2011 7:40 PM PDT

Recent post and comments have shown UCLA to be # 12 in the World in academic ranking and #2 in the Country in giving back to the community and the nation. USC scored # 50 and #46, respectively. Clearly the results are biased, skewed as they are to such passe factors as academics, citizenship, philanthropy, societal contributions, and the like.

So we present the following appropriate, relevant, and objective criteria, the Trogan Rank Criteria. To no one's surprise, the University of Southern California rates #1 by a wide margin, proving to students, faculty, alumni, and the public that you always get what you pay for.

A. National Championships rescinded

B. Heisman Trophies repossessed

C. Killers attending spring practice

D. Students (percentage) earning "A", Spanish

E. Earnings per never-graduating student, during collegiate years

F. Exposure (Youtube) of philanthropic events

G. Number of times sanctioned by NCAA

H. Number of opportunities, declined, to self-report violations to NCAA

I. Number of opportunities, declined, to plead guilty to criminal offenses

J. Ownership of the police

K. Gender-demeaning actions, per athlete

L. Gender-demeaning actions, per fraternity brother

M. Quantity and quality of inane public statements (aka Trogan-to-English)

N. Substitutions, Ballroom Dancing, for academic coursework

O. World population (billions), all of whom have Trogan envy

P. Promotional book tours, tainted coach

Q. Attorneys (percentage) in Compliance Office

R. Avoidance of opportunity to enroll Jackie and Mack Robinson

S. Cheerleaders' jubilation, following opponent's score

T. Subordination of academics to pigskin

Please add additional items -- Southern Cal really wants to run up the score.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.

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Comments

Huh? Never heard this one.

“R. Avoidance of opportunity to enroll Jackie and Mack Robinson”

Someone want to clue me in?

EGO TROIORUM MALLEUS SUM

by Bruins102NCAA on Aug 30, 2011 8:25 PM PDT reply actions

I wish I had the article...

Years ago, maybe in the LA Times, I read an interview of Mack Robinson. He was very displeased that so many African-American football players were enrolling at USC, because when he and Jackie were looking at four-year colleges, USC wouldn’t consider them.

Hopefully someone can locate the story for us.

by ucla7477 on Aug 30, 2011 8:52 PM PDT reply actions

Arrogance, per enrollee (and per parolee) ought to be considered

Also, I was expecting a category such as "Percentage of students getting a note along with the check from pater saying “This s absolutely the last time I’m bailing you out – you’re 26 years old and still a freshman. Etc.”

And the ever—popular “Golf carts per budding NFL agent”

by Fox 71 on Aug 31, 2011 6:08 AM PDT reply actions