FanPost

Trogan-to-World: University Rank Criteria


Recent post and comments have shown UCLA to be # 12 in the World in academic ranking and #2 in the Country in giving back to the community and the nation.  USC scored # 50 and #46, respectively.  Clearly the results are biased, skewed as they are to such passe factors as academics, citizenship, philanthropy, societal contributions, and the like.

So we present the following appropriate, relevant, and objective criteria, the Trogan Rank Criteria.  To no one's surprise, the University of Southern California rates #1 by a wide margin, proving to students, faculty, alumni, and the public that you always get what you pay for.

A.  National Championships rescinded

B.  Heisman Trophies repossessed

C.  Killers attending spring practice

D.  Students (percentage) earning "A", Spanish

E.  Earnings per never-graduating student, during collegiate years

F.  Exposure (Youtube) of philanthropic events

G.  Number of times sanctioned by NCAA

H.  Number of opportunities, declined, to self-report violations to NCAA

I.  Number of opportunities, declined, to plead guilty to criminal offenses

J.  Ownership of the police

K.  Gender-demeaning actions, per athlete

L.  Gender-demeaning actions, per fraternity brother

M.  Quantity and quality of inane public statements (aka Trogan-to-English)

N.  Substitutions, Ballroom Dancing, for academic coursework

O.  World population (billions), all of whom have Trogan envy

P.  Promotional book tours, tainted coach

Q.  Attorneys (percentage) in Compliance Office

R.  Avoidance of opportunity to enroll Jackie and Mack Robinson

S.  Cheerleaders' jubilation, following opponent's score

T.  Subordination of academics to pigskin

Please add additional items -- Southern Cal really wants to run up the score.

<em>This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.</em>

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