UCLA Defense: Like A "Clown Riding a Vespa Through a Car wash"
by Nestor on Sep 14, 2011 11:43 AM PDT
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PrintCan't really disagree with the observations from Scipio Tex @Barking Carnival (emphasis added):
UCLA offends me as a football purist.
I watched both UCLA games this year. The bottom line is this: UCLA has a bunch of talented dudes who don't care all that much. And with respect to talent, I'm not talking about recruiting classes, or rankings, or other supportive bullshit that people use when they can't trust their own eyes (though UCLA has all those things too). I'm talking about pure on-field talent. UCLA is good. They have two NFL RBs - one a slick slasher, the other an angry bowling ball, a 6 foot 8 mutant TE who can run and has hands, appears to be open on every play, and had 100 yards receiving in one half against Houston. Naturally, they threw to him only once against San Jose St (a TD, of course) and he's 2nd string. They have a 6-5 220 pound WR named Nelson Rosario who alternates between playing like Lord Nelson and Rosario Dawson and the OL is massive. They also have an array of highly recruited QBs who all excel at being injured except when playing Texas.
Overall, they returned something like 57 of their 22 starters (this number is imprecise) so inexperience is no issue.
Defensively, they're like watching a clown riding a Vespa through a car wash, but it's not because they lack talent. It's just a bunch of fairly talented guys running around randomly, somewhat bored. Their schemes appear to have been drawn up with bottle caps and twigs during warm ups. "Who wants to play DT? You Marsh? OK, you be DT this game." During one part of a game, I observed their NFL talent DE Datone Jones during a run play that went to the other side of the field. He stopped, placed a hand on his hip, and watched the play unfold with detached bemusement. It was awesome.
Sadly there is no disagreement based on what we have seen in first two games.
You can read rest of his UCLA preview here. It's a fantastic read and pretty much on the money.
GO BRUINS.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.
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holy crap!
Quite possibly the best synopsis of the last 4 years. The bastard made me laugh out loud during this presentation about intermodal transport…good thing because I was falling asleep!
But hey, what do I know. I’m just the 800 lbs bruin in the room.
by tasser10 on Sep 14, 2011 12:48 PM PDT via mobile reply actions
Wow
This is pretty funny. If Scipio is right, we’ll be 3-1! How great will that be? Almost as many wins as last year (/sarcasm).
Yesterday I was thinking about the game and had a good feeling. I think they’ll come out and play Saturday. Sadly, I believe this for the same reason that Scipio does.
Even more sad
is that if we win we will probably get our @sses handed to us by OSU.
Pretty sure that was a joke.
Like saying ‘unpossible’.
I have nothing to ask but that you would remove to the other side, that you may not, by intercepting the sunshine, take from me what you cannot give.
by Sailor Ripley on Sep 15, 2011 9:34 AM PDT up reply actions
He noted that number was imprecise.
But if you consider the number of players who started for injured players before, the number should be more like 112 of 22.
(North Campus types running furiously back to their calculators now to understand this…)
greg in denver, U.C.L.A. guy for life - BruinsNation.com
Well said, gbruin.
North Campus guys have been on the slippery slope downwards ever since they stopped carrying their slide rules in little sheaths on their belts. It was one of the sure signs of fall when you would see a covey of math majors simultaneously whip out their slide rules when they heard “If a train leaves Chicago going 35 miles an hour.” That’s gone now, of course. Calculators – kid stuff to a slide rule guy.
Slide rules?
Us REAL math majors do it all in our heads!
And to answer your train problem, it’ll arrive in 2.47392 hours.
They say an Uber-Geek
Is the guy all other geeks take their sliderules to for calibration.
BTW: In the slide rule days it was easy to teach significant figures to science students – now they cannot accept that 7.4/1.4 is not 5.28571429
Play with so much passion nothing else matters
by KnudsenRockne on Sep 15, 2011 2:40 PM PDT up reply actions
7.4 =/= 7.400
Play with so much passion nothing else matters
by KnudsenRockne on Sep 15, 2011 4:01 PM PDT up reply actions
I thought
the whole point of sig figs was that you couldn’t be sure beyond a certain degree of precision. Obviously, that answer would be wrong if you were required to account for sig figs, but doesn’t the definition of sig figs imply there is an infinitely miniscule chane it does equal the more precise answer? I think I remember how they work, I was mostly being silly.
I was told there would be no math!
by Nestor on Sep 15, 2011 4:32 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
LOL. OK. N & F71 got me
BTW: Anyone with a number in his screen name should be prepared for a little math. Nothing serious, just some ODE’s.
But I warn you, I’m working on some Bayesian Classification schemes applied to Da Bruins… when I fanpost it make sure your calculator is fully charged ;)
Play with so much passion nothing else matters
by KnudsenRockne on Sep 15, 2011 9:19 PM PDT up reply actions
Spot on
His whole blog should be read out loud to the team and coaches. It is by far one of the best “reads” on our team for the last three years. The problem is that an outsider sees it. Apparently nobody in the our program does.
Nailed it.
Funny, but true. He’s summed UCLA football since my freshman year (’06) until now. Hell, this past decade.
GO BRUINS!
We need to forward this The Rick
SIGH
/won’tdoanygood
The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother. John Wooden
"Defensively, they're like watching a clown riding a Vespa through a car wash."
Ouch, but one of the best metaphors I’ve seen in a long time.
Can’t say I disagree with the author.
I may work with the Waves, but I'm still a Bruin!
(Formerly "HoozierDaddy")
Spot on - except for the 1997/1998 teams
I don’t think UCLA beat Texas in those years because Texas was having a bad year, those Cade McNown led teams were damned good.
Other than that, it pains me to say the article was completely spot on. Is this Brutal honesty week? First Achilles’ brutal honesty on the dreads of attending a home football game, and now this.
Also, it’s gotta be rough for Texas fans to lose to us. I know in both Basketball and Football, when UCLA loses to a team, I always root for the team that beat us to have a great season. Makes our loss less stinging when it comes to Big Dance seeding and Bowl placement. Texas fans must grind their teeth when UCLA beats em, only to then go out and demolished in the following weeks.
Yes but he wasnt talking about those teams
by Nestor on Sep 14, 2011 2:40 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
Pretty spot on
my UT buddy forwarded to me this morning. Unfortunately all the reasons listed make it maddeningly frustrating being a Bruins fan
I should be working right now...
This is sad, funny and spot on all at the same time
the most accurate thing he said wrt our Bruins year after year is that we probably will show up fired up and give Texas a good game (or beat them). They we’ll head up to Corvallis and lose to a team that lost to Sacramento State. It’s happened so often this decade I always am surprised when I see a top ranked team play well week after week.
Dan Guerrero is the one who needs to see this
He is doing zero to install any sort of culture change.
by silverlakebruin on Sep 14, 2011 5:03 PM PDT reply actions
Ha
They went on to win 27-17 after a UCLA player said to 240 pound RB Derrick Coleman – "Yo, DC, I bet you can’t run over like eleven dudes this quarter." Coleman said, "Bet!" and then ran over twelve while averaging 10 yards a carry.
Don’t know why but when I imagined this scene in my head Derrick Coleman had a jheri curl and a gold chain.
lol
were you watching Boyz in the Hood when you read it?
Boyz in the Hood
Wasn’t that the movie that triggered the drive by shooting in Westwood leading to all the restrictions?
Ugh
I hate to say it, but pretty accurate reflections about our players. The part about our fans is somewhat true…outside of this community.
Thanks for the link, Nestor.
There is nothing funnier (or sadder) than the truth served with just a bit of exaggeration.
Neuheisel should show this to the team.
Being mocked is a good way to get pump the team up. All 55 returning starters.
I guess Fauria saw Scipio's post
BigJoeFauria Joseph Fauria
Funny article about how #Texas views #UCLA that still found a way to piss me off! This guy is dead wrong! bit.ly/qD1u0h
"The true athlete should have character, not be a character."- John Wooden
"Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation."- Michael Jordan
twitter:@GGolden87
...And it's a time saver too...
So besides being really clever, I’ve printed out a few copies. Next time someone comes up to me and asks me what’s wrong with “my” Bruins…well, I can just hand them a copy. WOW…I’ve read this ten times and I am still shaking my head in amazement!
Rosario Dawson in our too tight football jerseys
also yes.
greg in denver, U.C.L.A. guy for life - BruinsNation.com
Oh my!
See Alexander starring Colin Farrell. If Nelson consistently showed as much fight as Rosario shows in that film’s best scene, I think we’d be in pretty good shape.
Oh UCLA you sweet bitch, you've BRUINed me for anything else.
by bruin8uclap on Sep 14, 2011 10:48 PM PDT up reply actions
Looking forward to the tailgate
There will be a play where Rosario Nelson Dawson makes Blake Gideon her bitch.
Except I could watch "[A] clown riding a Vespa through a car wash."
over and over again.
I can’t handle even thinking about some of those pinball-plays: our guys are all bouncing and making noise and lighting up the lights… but the ball still goes in.
Play with so much passion nothing else matters
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