The Times ran a feature piece about foreign grad students at Troy being treated to acclimation indoctrination, er, training. The students were identified as 1 German,1 Malaysian,1 Pakistani, 2 Koreans, and around 20 Chinese.  Their families are paying big bucks to enroll them in -- these are actual class names -- "Life Without a Car in Los Angeles," "Stress Management," (politically incorrect) "Accent Reduction,"  and "Understanding U.S. Culture,Values,and Religion." But most important for the global leaders of tomorrow, there is "Football 101."

There are several good tidbits in the writeup, the best of which is a student exclaiming,"O.J.Simpson went to USC?" and being proudly informed,"Yes,he was a very very good player."  The student, educated at other than Troy, was well-versed enough to note,"Now he's famous for something else."

Rather than quote a few more (actual) inanities, below the jump we'll step inside the classroom and take the final exam. (Note: since these are not football players -- as evidenced by the fact that they're in class -- Sra.Ross is not giving them an automatic "A".)

Q.  Students,do you know what USC stands for?

A.  United States China.

Q.  You have Teachings of Chairman Mao.  What do we have?

A.  Win Forever.

Q.  Your homeland employs revisionist history.  Do you know how we implement it?

A.  Sell the Times on a line that all wrongdoing was by one player named Bush during the reign of He-who-shall-not-be-Named and now that Haden and Kiffin are in charge, righteousness has returned to the land.

Q.  Your government deals with offenders by executing them, or with leniency sending them to solitary confinement.  Do you know what we do?

A.  Suspend them for one non-conference game against a nobody opponent.  Or give them a Heisman.

Q.  You revere your nation's founder.  Who do we revere?

A.  You told us, O.J. Simpson.

Q.  Where is the path to a higher level of consciousness?

A.  On the rooftop during a philanthropic event.

Q.  How do you spell the school mascot?

A.  Trojan.  <No,that answer is not correct.>