In Westwood, we often like to poke fun at the fact that our cross-town rivals are, despite their attempts to game their U.S. News numbers, the academic inferior to us. And true to form, a group of petulant Trojans, apparently upset that UCLA won't permit their drum major to stab his sword into our logo, have started an online petition to "protect college football tradition" using comical comparisons and the classical "woe-is-me" internet victim whine.
Naturally, I pointed and laughed at these morons from a third-rate, glorified community college for stupid rich kids and UCLA rejects.
First, let's bear in mind that these myopic Trojan goons aren't able to see the obvious: they're in the wrong. It's so apparent, the L.A. Times' own Mr. Magoo, Bill Plaschke, was able to figure out that the skirt-wearing pretend warrior (named for a people whose own naivety and stupidity got them annihilated) and his lame tradition of being a pretend tough-guy and stabbing his tiny sword into the turf is just, well, wrong:
It's the moment before the pregame show in which the USC drum major majestically — or is that tauntingly? — plants a sword in the middle of the opponent's field.
I hate it. I'm stunned other schools allow it. It feels like more than just a piece of metal digging into grass, it feels like a lack of respect burrowing under the stadium's skin.
Even Plaschke sees what the Trojans refuse to accept. Now, let's take a look at this joke, which begins by not just misstating Morgan Center's position but misunderstanding the simple proposition, that practically every human being inherently knows, that when you host, you make the rules. You know, the whole "my house, my rules" concept:
Apparently, the UCLA Athletic Department has decreed if the Drum Major performs his traditional salute, which he does at every home game and any away game that features the full band, then the band will not be allowed to perform during halftime. They are also threatening violence upon the Spirit of Troy by wishing to place football players at midfield to prevent a forty-year tradition all based on an unsubstantiated and poorly supported claim of being "disrespectful."
Oh no! UCLA decreed how you, guests at our home stadium, would act. Maybe if we're okay with people doing whatever they want, I can go to some of these Trojans' homes and take a piss on their dining room table. But, I laughed when this petition writer, apparently too dense to separate out the UCLA Athletic Department from a small faction of fans, goes on to claim that "they" (meaning the UCLA Athletic Department) is threatening violence against their skirt-wearing drum major. Hmm, I don't seem to recall that happening, but why let facts get in the way of a good Trojan whine-fest?
Never mind the stupid logic of "we do this everywhere, including our own stadium, so we should be allowed to keep doing it," what I find the most amusing is the examples they try to use. It's clear that the petition writer got their "education" at Southern Cal, because simple academic principles, such as the use of accurate information or coherent logic are totally lacking:
The true show of disrespect here is by these individuals who seek to rob fans of the full glory and tradition that is USC vs. UCLA football. This is banning Ohio State's band from "dotting the I." This is like telling Notre Dame to leave their leprechaun at home. This is barring FSU's Seminole from spearing the field on horseback.
Umm, not quite dude. First, let's look at the Trojan "tradition" objectively for what it is. Their quasi-mascot, a man in a historically inaccurate Trojan outfit (the get-up looks more quasi-Roman centurion in the first or second century A.D. as opposed to a Greek warrior from the twelfth or eleventh century B.C.) marches out to the middle of a field, where almost every football program has their logo, emblem, or wordmark, and proceeds to bury his sword into said spot. Whatever the intent is behind it, it's no different than spitting on the logo/emblem/wordmark. It's objectively disrespectful, even if not intended that way.
More importantly, the examples cited are just, well, stupid. Look at Ohio State's tradition of "dotting the I" in Ohio with a tuba player (actually called "Script Ohio"). On its face, it's simply Ohio State's band spelling out Ohio. No one is stomping on an opponent's logo: the act itself is objectively, well, neutral. But key, and what these whiny Trojans fail to realize: Ohio State only performs the Script Ohio at Ohio State home games. Their stadium, their rules.
Moving on to Notre Dame, that's just a stupid claim. UCLA isn't telling Southern Cal to leave their drum major at home: in fact, he'll be present, in his "Trojan" regalia, as well as their stupid white horse. Their mascots get to come to the Rose Bowl: they don't get to disrespect our house while visiting. It's not like the Notre Dame leprechaun shows up to opponents' stadiums and whips it out and takes a leak on the opponent's logo. He shows up, does some stupid dances, push ups, and all the other usual mascot lame routine stuff. But, key is that the Trojans can still bring their stupid mascot, so that little analogy is just outright dumb.
Finally, the Florida State analogy fails for the same reasons. It's a nice try, because on a superficial level, it sounds the same: Osceola comes riding out on his horse Renegade, with a flaming spear in hand, and after charging out on the field, he plants his Seminole spear into midfield prior to the game. Except, like with Ohio State, there is one key difference: Osceola only does his routine at Doak Campbell Stadium for Florida State home games. You won't see Osceola jamming his spear into the turf in Gainesville or Miami. And why do you think that is? Because even the Seminoles, folks attending one of the most hardcore party schools in America, can see that Osceola spearing someone else's field is kind of disrespectful.
But, don't expect the same from Trojans. Their business, their mindset, everything about them is based on acting like arrogant douchebags. It's pretty amusing though to see these petulant children getting into a huff because UCLA won't let them disrespect their stadium with their little turf-stabbing routine. And good try with the petitions Trojans: maybe next time, you should try using a little something we call accurate facts. But hey, that's a typical Southern Cal education at work.