Sensitive to criticism over his apparent lack of pro-active action regarding the state of UCLA's basketball program, Dan Guerrero acted swiftly following the departure of Joshua Smith.
"I'm tired of fans thinking that I don't strap it on every day," Guerrero stated to no one in particular. "Look, you guys don't see what I do behind the scenes. Did you see how quickly I was able to get that announcement out today? That's because of my forethought."
"Noticing a trend, months ago I formed a committee to address speeding up the official statement process for the steady stream of departures from Ben Howland's basketball team. I called it the Blast Statement committee. What with the twitter and the blogs and all that internet-time stuff, it's really important to get the our BS out quickly and efficiently."
Guerrero shifted in his seat as he discovered an old doughnut stuck under his butt and promptly stuffed it in his mouth. Munching enthusiastically he continued. "The BS committee convened for weeks, hired a consulting firm and brought in focus groups. I am happy to share with you the fruits of that labor costing a mere $500,000. Below is the reusable BS template that allows me to get our BS out within minutes every time a Ben Howland recruit decides to leave."
UCLA [class] [position] [player name] has chosen to leave the men's basketball program and has been granted his release, effective immediately. [player name] has participated in [xx] UCLA games in the 2012-13 season and averaged [x.x] points and [x.x] rebounds per game in [x.x] minutes played. "[player name] is a fine young man who has meant a lot to this program," said UCLA head coach Ben Howland. "I know I speak for myself and my staff when I thank him for his time in Westwood and wish him well in his future endeavors." A native of [city, state], [player name] entered his [class] season with the Bruins averaging [xx.x] points, [x.x] rebounds and [xx.x] minutes played in [xx] career games ([xx] starts) over his first [x] years in Westwood. "I have made the decision to leave the program for personal reasons," [player name] said. "I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at UCLA and am grateful for the opportunity that has been presented to me here."
"You can't tell me that's not being proactive! By the way, can I interest you in a copy of my 'AD for Dummies' book?"
It is unclear whether Chancellor Gene Block is working on a similar template.