Trogan-to-English: SC Signing Day

Southern Cal landed a number of footballers, and T2E has learned from the student-athletes themselves why there are some enticements that UCLA will never be able to match. Here are statements from all of this year's recruits (save the one who isn't literate). Vote for your favorite!

1. "Eligibility by ballroom dancing -- who can beat that?"

2. "i came because of Coach Kiffin's NFL coaching experience."

3. "O.J. is my hero."

4. "You can knock up a women's basketball guard."

5. "They offered me the best compensation package, midway between a McKnight and a Bush."

6. "The signing paper came with an "A" in Spanish."

7. "I want to be a champion, and so far as violations and sanctions go, no one else compares."

8. "Coach Kiffin sent out some hostesses."

9. "I had my doubts about their program, but with Lane, Orgeron, and Haden, it's obvious they're clean now."

10. "We own the police."

11. "The professors have low standards, and so do the coeds."

12. "I want to be a film major and Kim Khardashian lives close by."

13. "I want to be an NFL Hall of Fame quarterback like Palmer, Leinart, and Sanchez."

14. "Rooftop sex has always interested me."

15. "I read Pete Carroll's Always Compete and believed every word."