FanPost

Guerrero-to-English: The Sports Business Journal interview

-Bumped. Great stuff. -BN Editors

At this point, it's pretty well known that Bruins the world over are fed up with Dan Guerrero's Reign of Error as UCLA's AD. I could link to the opinion pieces, the polls, the comments, the threads, and everything else, but I'll spare everyone the use of bandwidth and get to my larger point.

Guerrero did a sit-down interview with the Sports Business Journal back in June but I'm only writing about it now because I just saw it linked on BRO and was absolutely gobsmacked. If I'm late to the party and this has already been discussed extensively on BN, then the admins are certainly welcome to delete this post.

This interview basically encapsulates every reason why UCLA needed to cut ties with Dan Guerrero yesterday (or eight years ago, but I disgress). In the spirit of ucla7477's Trogan-to-English posts (I forget the name of the poster who writes those, but seeing one pop up is a highlight of my day), I present Guerrero-to-English. Prepare to be amazed!

Dan says: "Every AD at every level would indicate that the thing keeping them up at night is managing expectations."

What he means: "Don't let the peons think they deserve anything. We will feed them scraps and they will like it... OR THEY SHALL BURN!!!"

Dan says: "You have to make decisions and make certain they're consistent with your core values. Then you move on."

What he means: "I'm the Decider! Need a new basketball arena: go with something new and innovative or do the old thing in a slightly different way? Decided!

Promote home football games to opposing fans or build a quality program that appeals to our fans? Decided!

Sell half my football stadium to our biggest rivals in the most important home game of the year? Decided!

Chianti or pinot with lunch? Decided!

Speaking of lunch, where's my secretary with the menu for Apple Pan? It's time to move on..."

Dan says: "Athletics should be like the Hippocratic oath - do no harm. In other words, make sure you're contributing to the institution, not doing harm to it."

What he means: "You can't harm something when you've made sure no one notices it's there!"

Dan says: "Tom Butters [former Duke AD] said the worst thing that ever happened to college athletics was sports talk radio. It created all these experts. They spend an hour on hold to get 15 seconds on air. Now all those fans don't have to wait an hour. They just push a button on their computer. It has changed our field in so many ways."

What he means: "You talking to me??"

Dan says: "The saying goes that your skills become obsolete every five years, so if you have a job 40 years, you're constantly adapting and adjusting."

What he means: "I used to eat my pizza slices straight but now I fold them up taco style so I can eat more, faster!"

Dan says: "As much as people don't want to admit that there is a business aspect to what we do, there certainly is. You're talking about budgets of $100 million or more."

What he means: "And that's not even including a tip for the delivery guy from Krispy Kreme."

Dan says: "There's no secret that some universities have hired ADs recently from the private sector. The individual might have been on the periphery of athletics in some way, shape or form, but what they bring from a business standpoint is clearly needed. We may see that become more in vogue in the future."

What he means: "I've heard there's a world out there where you have to actually do shit to justify your $700,000 salary. SUCKERZ!"

Dan says: "Establish a culture or create a culture depending on what you find, and motivate the employees."

What he means: "I'm sorry Mr. Doe, your resume indicates that you've been a smashing success as a businessman and that you clearly have your finger on the pulse of marketing and consumer outreach... but you forgot to fill out the parts of the application where you say what years you coached under Terry Donahue and how many years you've spent toiling away in UCLA bureaucracy."

Dan says: "The best advice when you come into a new situation: Consume wildly."

What he means: "Having to wear increasingly larger pant sizes will show your bosses how wildly and steadily you're consuming."

Dan says: "These jobs are not for the faint of heart. You know criticism is going to come. Fundamentally, you just have to be at peace about your decisions, knowing they may not always be the right decisions."

What he means: "See what I meant about managing expectations? DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE RIGHT AND DON'T EXPECT TO WIN AND WE'LL BE JUST FINE!"

Dan says: "At one point, my next step before I got into athletic administration was to run for public office, city council. I ultimately decided I didn't want to do that, I didn't want a career in the public eye. Lo and behold, I wind up at UCLA and here we go."

What he means: "But I always wanted a job in bloated bureaucracy."

Dan says: "Typically, the AD gets too much credit when things go well and too much blame when they don't. But we understand the demands are so much greater now."

What he means: "Those fancy typing machines ruined everything. It was so much easier when I could kick back with a jelly donut in one hand, a glass of chianti in another, and play a relaxing jazz cassette on my Walkman."

Dan says: "The ultimate test of leadership is, if you had no title, would people still follow you?"

What he means: "I've done every f**king thing possible to get people not to follow me and still, this damn title hangs around my neck like a noose."

Dan says: "I make major decisions every week, but if I'm making all of them, I'm not delegating as well as I should be."

What he means: "Didn't you hear me before?? I'M THE MOTHAF**KIN DECIDER!!!"

Dan says: "We all have blind spots. Some recognize those blind spots better than others. That's where your staff members have to be honest."

What he means: "I always have to ask my secretary if I'm wearing matching socks because I haven't been able to see below my belt-line since I started consuming so wildly."

Dan says: "I've always wanted to be a jazz pianist."

What he means: "I feel like a jazz pianist fits everything I'm about: creative, adaptive, innovative."

Dan says: "I'm a product of Teen Post, which is like a Boys and Girls Club. I was raised in a community where, in order to get anything done, you had to bond together."

What he means: "That's where I learned to spread blame... I mean, delegate."

Dan says: "I take my iPad with me everywhere. It allows me to do what I need to do, while enjoying music and other aspects of it."

What he means: "I wouldn't be nearly as bumbling or incompetent without the soothing sounds of jazz piano getting me through my day."

Dan says: "It's L.A. Teams have to win. The only sure thing for years was the Dodgers, [and] even they've taken their hits."

What he means: "Who's this John Wooden you speak of?"

And finally...

Dan says: "If you already have a robust development area with people donating, your sponsorship potential has been reached and it's a finite marketplace with TV revenue, the only upside is in ticket sales. For most of us with empty seats, that's where the growth potential is."

What he means: "AND YOU THOUGHT ALL THE EMPTY SEATS WERE THERE ON ACCIDENT!"

<em>This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.</em>

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