The creaking, fragile world we live on has an abundance of stupidity, but since some decisions have an unintended element of hilarity, I've decided to present a monthly award to the most outstanding contributors.
I originally intended to designate this honor as the "flat-earth award," signifying the firm resolve and withering scorn for intelligence displayed by various winners. However, I learned to my surprise that there actually is a flat-earth society (you can find it on the Web), so I've changed the name to the There Are No Planets Award.
If enough of you enjoy these posts, I hope you'll send in your suggestions as well. Not surprisingly, the first two entries relate to decisions made by, or concerning, our beloved alma mater. Taking them in the order I became aware of them, the winners are:
1) ESPN, for deciding (at least in my part of Northern California and, in all likelihood, the rest of the West Coast, if not the country) that the game between Maryland and Clemson - in which Clemson had a 20-point lead with five minutes to play - had to be carried live as it ground to its inexorable conclusion, rather than televising the beginning of the UCLA-Oregon game.
I realize there are differing views of UCLA's season to date, but surely we can agree that the first half was worth seeing in its entirety. (Even if ESPN was required to televise the entire Clemson-Maryland game, it deserves an award for exercising clouded - make that myopic - judgment in agreeing to such a contract.) Although I can't be certain of this, it's possible that at this late date ESPN has learned that a football field is 100 yards in length and the game runs for 60 minutes.
2) UCLA's Homecoming Committee for scheduling a screening of the game against Colorado in Pauley Pavilion rather than coordinating bus transportation to the Rose Bowl so alumni could, you know, actually see the team play. (A thank-you to JoeBruin15 for making us aware of this.)
In making this decision, the committee showed the same clear-eyed perception that Dan Guerrero's Athletic Department displayed in suggesting that the student section in Pauley Pavilion be moved to an area close to, or underneath, the basket. (Hey, no point in giving undergraduates the best view. What kind of money do they have to donate?)
In reaching this insightful conclusion, the committee also has developed a clever word play by replacing "the ties that bind" with the more convenient "The ties? Well, never mind."