So, in conclusion, ... It's time, or more likely, past time, to wrap up this series. What better way to end it than with snark?
Given that the "Hey, I know! Let's build a hotel!" project at UCLA is a fait accompli, I say let's go with the flow. Let's help Chancellor Block give his pet project a proper name. Oh sure, the official name of the project is the "Meyer and Renee Luskin Conference and Guest Center." But, this name doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? Eight words. Fourteen syllables. Fifty characters. We can do better.
So, thanks to an off-hand comment in another thread, the esteemed Fox 71 has kicked off the name-that-boondoggle campaign. Mind you, this is not the front-pager-led official poll that he called for. Rather, this is simply a drafting of nominees. We're looking for something short and biting, something laconically lambasting, something succinctly snarky. An epic-level boondoggle such as the UCLA hotel deserves a worthy and memorable title.
[Side Note: Notice that I didn't say "the honorable and esteemed Fox 71" above. It's not that Fox isn't honorable. I'm reasonably sure that he is. Rather, I omitted the word "honorable" because that word is often associated with bureaucrats who don't deserve the description and wouldn't recognize honor if they tripped over it, which they often do. And, we know how Fox feels about bureaucrats. :-) ]
But, why stop at names? Other grand hotels also have mottos, by which they attempt to paint themselves in a certain light. Perhaps they want you to think that your $129 room means that you will be welcomed and treated like English royalty during your stay (Continental breakfast (stale, palm oil-laden pastries and Superball-textured hard-boiled eggs) ends at 9:30 am. Pool hours 10:00 am to 7:00 pm. No running.). Or, maybe they want you to think that your $650-per-night "Will Rogers Room" is just their brand of down-home folksiness. Aw, shucks.
For example, the Holiday Inn changes slogans as often as they change sheets, or maybe more. Some of their slogans include "We put a smile back on your face," "Pleasing people the world over," and "The best surprise is no surprise." Best Western International hotels subtly but immodestly appeal to the snob in you by claiming that they are "Across the street from the ordinary." Ramada International implies in their motto that, whatever they don't provide, you don't need, by labeling themselves "Everything except excess."
If we were to steal an existing motto that best applies to the coming UCLA hotel, it might have to be that of the Gleneagles luxury hotel in Perthshire, Scotland: "Come back Richer." But, we're Bruins. We don't have to steal. We can make our own.
So, use comments below to propose new names and mottos, and/or to endorse already suggested names and mottos. Winners get, well, nothing. However, in an anti-Lumbergian, un-bureaucratic move, entrants do not have to fill out TPS (Targeted Poignant Snark) Reports.
From the aforementioned sub-thread below Fox's comment, come these names:
- The Blockgate Hotel (uclaluv)
- Blockhead Manor (bruinclassof10)
- The Mental Block (tasser10: "Just change it to a mental institute and call it The Mental Block. Put Chianti’s office there, with a toilet for Harlan.")
And, , from some other thread, somewhere...
- The Block Arms (Fox 71)
Other candidates for your consideration:
- The Bruindoggle Inn
- The Blockade
- The Gilded Turd
- The Grand Hijack
- The Bilkmore
- Reamada Inn
- The Jilton
- Embarassing Suites Hotel
- The Four Treasons (for the foursquare betrayal of UCLA students, UCLA athletics, UCLA fans and alumni, and the postage-stamp canard)
- A Flip-Off by the Old Block
- We'll leave the light on for you..., if you're wealthy.
- We'll leave the donation basket out for you.