Bumped. BN Eds.
We learned about a telephone protest from the USC Sports Information Director to the Los Angeles Times. We understood there was a similar protest to the Pasadena Star-News. Here is the translation from a surveillance tape.
SC: We are calling to protest that you put the UCLA football game on the Sports page, above the fold, and with a photo, and put our game below the fold, without a photo.
Times: And what is wrong with that?
SC: We are SC. And you are the Trogan Times.
Times: We used to be the Trogan Times. We are now on the Mora bandwagon.
SC: But we won by more points than UCLA did.
Times: Yes, because you played at home, and played a nobody, Boston College.
SC: They aren't a nobody, they were undefeated until they played us.
Times: Because they played Villanova at home, a team who also lost to Fordham, which hasn't had a notable team since Vince Lombardi played for them, though they might beat Stony Brook this week. And they played Wake Forest at home, who just lost to Louisiana-Monroe, though Wake did manage to beat mighty Presbyterian.
SC: But we beat them by a larger margin than UCLA had in their game.
Times: Which was played against a Top 25-ranked team, on the road in a famously tough stadium, while having their practice week disrupted by the tragic death of one of their players.
SC: But we were laboring under tremendous grief of our own, having lost to Washington State at home, and hearing "Fire Kiffin" chants even before halftime.
Times: UCLA had to make what might be a record-setting rally against Nebraska, and you think we should feature your game instead?
SC: Of course. UCLA has academics, research, Nobel Prizes, community service, plenty of publicity. All we have is football, since we always ask you to suppress stories about our crime, sex scandals, academic laxity, etc.
Times: They have Mora and Hundley and Pasquale. You have Kiffin and Kessler. Why would our readers prefer to read about you?
SC: We are SC. We are entitled. It's not our fault that we've been handicapped by some undeserved NCAA penalties.
Times: You're lucky you didn't receive the death penalty. We still don't know why Penn State got hammered worse than you, since their issues didn't give them any advantage on the football field, unlike yours.
SC: I'm going to call Pete Carroll on you.
Times: Please do. There are plenty of questions we'd like to ask him.