Dorrell's Odd Sideline Behavior Explained

Uh Bumped! - N

I was inspired by Achilles' thoughtful analysis regarding the Stockholm Syndrome.  

So, I've immersed myself in researching why it is that Karl Dorrell seems to not coach, or, well, even speak, during Bruin football games.  After hours of work, and thanks to the help of top experts in the relevant fields, I've come up with the following hypotheses.

- Option one, KD has learned to speak exclusively by using gestures, due, in part, to an unhealthy interest in mimes.

I hear he'd rather do this full time, but the football job pays better.

- Option two, KD is a dummy.  You know, a ventriloquist-type dummy.

KD at UCLA: the only thing more dangerous than Kim Jong Il with nukes.

- Option three, KD is a mutant telepathic.

Jean Gray says that Karl is special.  Uhm, I think she means he has special powers.

- Option four, KD is a mute.  Yes, believe it or not, there is such a thing as "Saturday-only" mutes.  Very rare.

Oddly, Karl seems to hear and see just fine.

- Option five, KD was over-exposed as a child to the Cone of Silence.

Karl has a shoe phone too, and is amazed at how small phones are these days.

- Option six, KD is in over his head, completely detached from the action on the field, and consistently abdicates his responsibility to lead his team.

Karl after a vicious insult to his mother (on a Saturday): "............."

I'm leaning towards a combination of options two and six.  What do ya think?

GO BRUINS.