I hate SC.

I hate the colors cardinal and gold.

I hate that horse.

I hate that band and that fight song they play 400,000 times a game.

I hate their helmets and that logo.

I hate their jerseys, home and away.

I hate the Crapiseum, and their fortress in the armpit of Los Angeles.

I hate their coach.

I hate their assistant coaches.

I hate their equipment managers, trainers, water boys, locker room janitors, secretaries, bus drivers, groupies, hookers, pimps and drug dealers.

I hate all their current and former players (not you, Rob Johnson, you're okay by me).

I hate all their bandwagoning fans, at Laker games, Dodger games, Angel games, Charger games, Disneyland, Knott's Berry Farm, Magic Mountain, Catalina, Lake Arrowhead, the Moon....F!CK all y'all!

I hate Petros Papadorkus and Colin Cowturd.

I hate all those sportwriters who think SC's one loss to Oregon State is better than Michigan's to Ohio State and Florida's to Auburn. F!CK You!

I hate OJ "If I did it" Simpson, Reggie "Free House" Bush, Dwayne "Free Rent" Jarrett, Rey "I own tha Police" Mauluga, Matt "Manwhore" Leinart, Mark "She said yes" Sanchez, Eric "Thank you refs, again" Assholter.

I hate Meshawn Johnson. (Hey Meshawn, how many times did YOU beat UCLA?!) Yeah...F!CK you too!

I hate seven in a row.

I hate we haven't beaten them since....
   Slick Willy was giving it to Monica in the oval office!
   Since MJ was winning championships with the Bulls!
   Since Elway was with the Broncos!
   Since Seinfeld was still on the air!
   Since Sonny Bono was still alive!

I hate 19-66.

I hate the fact I can't watch a SC-UCLA game without making alternate plans "if it gets out of hand" by halftime.

I hate Bob Toledo, for giving away OUR STREAK 7 years ago (to Paul Friggin' Hackett for god sakes!) and all the recruiting advantages that went with it. (Thanks a lot, Bob! Still collecting severence pay?)

I hate all the recruits who bought into Pom Pom's "Trojan Family" bullsh!t and chose SC over UCLA.

I hate Dorrell, for getting bent over 3 times. (Pssstt...hey Karl! Ya got ONE more shot, man! And don't thank anyone for the "opportunity" this time!)

I hate that little "Submit your USC pictures" section on the LA Times website. Oh yeah, I hate the LA Times too!

I hate all there ever is, ever was, and ever will be about that school....

And I hate to even think about another SC victory over my beloved Bruins....

All that I ask, for all that is Good, for all that is Right, for all that is Goodwin, Barnes, Cook, Stokes, and McNown......

BEAT 'SC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!