From the boys over at M Zone:
Heritage Hall
3501 Watt Way
Los Angeles, CA 90089
ATTN: Pete Carroll
Dear Mr. Carroll,
It has come to my attention that being a USC football player comes with certain perks, namely that the players and their family members get some of the most incredible housing deals to be had in the entire Southern California real estate market. As such, I would like to inquire about trying out for the Trojan football team.
To be honest, I suck as a football player but I have been known to be one heck of a house guest and no stranger to "killer" rental deals in the Los Angeles area. Furthermore, based on my previous living arrangements, I have strong ties to the USC program. Best of all, I am very discreet should any problems arise with any more of your players.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Kato Kaelin
GO BRUINS.