Bruin Bites: Beat $C Gameday Edition

That's right folks, it's Rivalry Week in college football, which means one thing for the Bruin faithful: it's time for the $C game. Oh yes, UCLA doesn't need to win the game now that Chianti Dan's wet dream of backing into the Pac-12 championship game has come true thanks to Utah's epic choke job against Colorado.  On a side note, let's put that Utah loss in perspective: Utah, a team that destroyed us 31-6, just lost to Colorado, the worst team in the Pac-12, a team we wrecked 45-6.  So yeah, when we say we can't approve of Rick after embarrassing losses to sub-par teams, we're not just talking about the Arizona disaster.

Anyway, although Chianti Dan and his visionless bureaucrats have managed to suck the fun out of what used to be "Beat $C Week" by re-naming it to the politically correct (and soft, spineless, flat-out b**ch name) "Blue and Gold Week"" and destroying the tradition of home-and-home uniforms by rolling out all-white alternates, it's still a game against our hated rival in the most important college sport: the gridiron.

It's been tough to be a Bruin fan, especially when we're not only fighting the opposition, but fighting enemies within our own ranks: the gutless, visionless chumps in the Moron Morgan Center, led by their feckless leader, Chianti Dan Guerrero.  But for this day, we have to shift our attention to what is supposed to be the most important game of the year for all of the wider Bruin Nation: beating U$C.

So, I know it's hard to get fired up with all the weird vibes floating around our mediocre and hapless football program, mired in what has been a sad and pathetic decade of mediocrity. So to help, let's remind you what this game is supposed to be about: beating the classless, cheating, scumbag a**holes from across town:

What took place after that touchdown all along the Trogan sidelines and the Coliseum stands, under Cheatey Petey's (and now his former waterboy offensive coordinator Lame's) leadership tells us all we need to know about U$C.  From the equipment managers jumping up and down, to their clueless fans belting out "We are SC", that should show every Bruin exactly what U$C is all about.

Let's get fired up.  Let's get amped up for a good ol' "we hate you, you hate us, let's get it on" nasty dogfight.

While we must focus on beating U$C today, we also can't forget that even a victory over the hated Trojans will not save Neuheisel after four years of mediocre, playing-not-to-lose football. And moreover, we need to keep the heat on the root of UCLA's problems: the tone-deaf, ineffectual chump running Morgan Center. As we've said on BN (and as many of you, on Facebook, on MexiBruin's petition, and other places across the social media landscape), nothing short of wholesale regime change will suffice.

Anyway, kick-off is set for 7:00 p.m. PST and the pre-game thread will be up later today.  Before we get to the pre-game thread, let's take a look at some of the bits and pieces of news from around the UCLA-iverse after the jump:

• Starting with the disaster that is Ben Howland's basketball program, casual basketball fans have caught on to how bad UCLA is this season.  Andy Bottoms over at Midwest Sports Fans took note of how bad UCLA has been, calling Ben Howland's team a "dumpster fire."  That's just sad (and frankly embarrassing to dumpster fires everywhere). I think we found our basketball equivalent to football's "vespa clown" analogy.
• In case you missed it, Ben Bolch at the Los Angeles Times echoed and quoted the comments by ESPN analyst Jay Bilas, in calling out UCLA for a pathetic lack of effort in Maui, barely looking like a team that belongs.  While Bilas is optimistic that Howland can turn it around, Ben is quickly burning the capital that his Final Four runs bought him.  The seat is certainly getting warm (not that we expect Chianti Dan to do anything about it though).
• Switching to the female side of basketball, former UCLA point guard Natalie Nakase was named the head coach of the Saitama Broncos of the BJL in Japan (their version of the NBA).  With the job, Natalie becomes the first female head coach in the men's league, and she debuted with a 93-74 victory over the Toyama Grouses.
• Turning to today's game, the obvious storyline is the brother versus brother battle (our Malcolm Jones versus U$C's Marshall Jones; our Tevin McDonald versus U$C's T.J. McDonald) we'll see on the field (HT LA Bruin).  For the McDonald brothers, the sons of former All-Pro strong safety Tim McDonald, Fox Sports' Joe McDonnell profiled the family and talked about the tough spot Tim, a U$C alum, finds himself in with a son on both teams.  Tim might be a Trojan, but he's been a class act on and off the field, supporting his Bruin son (but for every Tim McDonald, there's an O.J. Simpson, Reggie Bush, or Matt Leinart around the corner).
• Finally, Jon Gold put himself through an interesting project: creating one all-time team, but of both Bruins and Trojans. In his hypothetical "All-Time Brojans" squad, he took the top UCLA player and top U$C player at each position and then weighed each guy's claims to make the call.  In the end, his offensive squad shaped up as follows: QB - Troy Aikman, UCLA; RB - O.J. Simpson, U$C; FB - Sam Cunningham, U$C; OT - Anthony Munoz, U$C; OT - Jonathan Ogden, UCLA;  OG - Bruce Matthews, U$C; OG - Randy Cross, UCLA; TE - Charlie Young, U$C; WR - Lynn Swann, U$C; WR - Keyshawn Johnson, U$C.  In total, only 3 Bruins on the offensive side compared to 7 Trojans (apparently no centers were considered).  On the defensive side, the team shaped up as follows: DE - Dave Ball, UCLA; DE - Willie McGinest, U$C; DT - Tim Ryan, U$C; DT - Sedrick Ellis, U$C; LB - Carnell Lake, UCLA; LB - Ken Norton Jr., UCLA U$C UCLA (sort of); LB - Junior Seau, U$C; CB - Brian Kelly, U$C; CB - Dennis Thurman, U$C; FS - Troy Polamalu, U$C; SS - Ronnie Lott, U$C.  In total, again 3 Bruins to 8 Trojans.  In special teams, it came down as follows: K - John Lee, UCLA; P - Chris Sailer, UCLA; KR/PR - Maurice Jones-Drew, UCLA. So with a clean sweep of the special teams, that gives us 9 Bruins in total compared to 15 Trojans total.  Take a look at Gold's picks and see whether you agree or not (because Keyshawn over J.J. Stokes, I think, is weak).
  

Those are your pre-game Bruin Bites.  Sit tight and the pre-game thread will be up in a few hours.  For now, feel free to fire away with your thoughts in the open thread or check out the BN preview of "the other team" from across town. Finally, if you haven't done so already, make sure you get your pre-game guesses in before kick-off at 7:00 p.m. PST on Fox Sports.

Time to get it done Bruins.  This is the game.

F**K '$C!

GO BRUINS!