Trogan-to-English: Pat Defends Lane

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Lane Kiffin just received the dreaded vote of confidence from Pat Haden. One could say that is one cheat standing up for another. Most interesting is that Troy decided to do it a) by video, and b) right before Pac-12 Media Day -- apparently to forestall having to answer any questions about their coach.

Below are some of Haden's comments, then as always the translation.

"I anticipate the media will ask me if our football coach is on the hot seat this year."

Since they ask us every week.

"He is not."

He is on the super-duper hot seat.

"I'm behind Lane Kiffin 100 percent. I have great confidence in him."

He is a fellow cheater, and we have always done well by cheaters at USC.

"He's a very hard-working, detail-oriented coach."

No one tops him in breadth and depth of recruiting violations.

"He's a dynamic playcaller, in my estimation..."

It took him all of one play to throw an interception in the UCLA game.

"...he's an exceptional recruiter."

As I said, his cheating is unmatched across the country, now that Pete Carroll has gone pro.

"He knows USC and he knows what it takes to be successful here."

He knows our tradition of illegal recruiting, covering up criminal activity, laissez fair academics, and the going pay rates.

"We all know the second half of last year was disappointing."

Actually so was the first half, but it was masked by our cupcake nonconference schedule.

"I firmly believe we will bounce back strong this season... We have a lot of good players. We have made positive additions to our coaching staff as well."

Actually, a positive subtraction, getting rid of one Kiffin. So we might not break all of the worst-defense records we set last season.

"I understand that many people judge a coach by the win-loss record, but as the athletic director, I must look not only at that but at a lot of other things that are important to us at USC. There are many factors, including academics, NCAA compliance, community engagement, the character of his players and off-field issues. Lane Kiffin gets very high marks in all of those areas."

Academics, as bad as usual. NCAA compliance, as bad as usual, but better camoflauged than before. Community engagement, well, we still own the police. Character of the players, same criminal element as always. Off-field issues, as I said, same criminal element as always.

"After Lane came here, USC was faced with very dark circumstances, and we're still working through very difficult challenges imposed on us by the NCAA and the loss of 30 scholarships..."

None of which were our fault. We were totally innocent, as evidenced by Pete Carroll staying to defend his regime and -- oops, never mind.

"These sanctions may seem interminable to you, as they do to me, but we still have two more years of them. These sanctions were not handed down to help us win games."

Actually, these sanctions should have been the death penalty. At a minimum, worse than Penn State received, since our head coach and athletic director were personally involved in them.

<Added note: Not only did they lose to every ranked team they played, but every team USC defeated last season had at least five losses, three had at least nine losses and the combined record of the teams the Trojans beat was 32-51.> <And next year's schedule is easier!>

"Despite drastic scholarship limitations and players transferring out of our program, we still won 25 games under Lane the past three years..."

Because none of our players and coaches were made ineligible, despite the magnitude of their transgressions.

"Now this next season, we will have just 70 players on scholarship versus the 83 to 85 that all but two of our 13 opponents will have. This is not an excuse..."

Actually, it is an excuse. As is this entire video, our preemptive strike against the well-deserved press we will be getting tomorrow and for months to come.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of BruinsNation's (BN) editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of BN's editors.