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The Weekly Open: Important Offseason Rankings

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Join us and hang out with your fellow Bruins.

UCLA v Utah Photo by George Frey/Getty Images

Welcome to the Weekly Open, a new weekly thread we’re trying here during these long summer months.

The goal of the Weekly Open is to provide you, the savvy reader/commenter/smart person who came to this website a place to just hang out. Most of our comment sections are directly related to the article in question, and usually stay as on-topic as possible, so we wanted to create a space where you can just hang out for the week, talk about whatever you want to talk about, regardless if it involves UCLA or not.

Remember, as always, adherence to both the Bruins Nation Community Guidelines and the larger SBNation Community Guidelines will still be required.

So, with that intro out of the way, let’s get to the heart of the matter.

Every offseason, websites like ours get stuck trying to find precious #content for our readers. Obviously, there are still things going on; for example, this week we have the NBA Draft (P.S. have you read marky’s Draft Breakdown of Aaron Holiday yet?), and there’s some recruiting news here and there (welcome to Westwood Chase Griffin!), but it’s true. The summer is looooooooooong around here.

But that just gives us more time to talk about the things that are truly important: mascot rankings.

Now, I’m not going to rank every single college mascot out there. That would be absurd. Plus, I need to ration this sweet content out where I can. No, we’ll just use some general rankings for now.

Also, sorry, but I’m not ranking Joe Bruin, as that would be highly unfair.

Harry the Husky (Washington Huskies mascot)

Ranking: Average at best

NCAA Football: Washington at Colorado Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Poor Harry is in a rough.....wait hold on let me try this again. Poor Harry is in a ruff spot (heh nailed it). Just looking at him, Harry seems, well, alright. He doesn’t really stand out, and he’s an animal mascot for a team with an animal that would be pretty easy to get on the sidelines. Georgia has a similar issue, but at least their mascot is also has a ridiculous amount of muscle on him. Harry is just average. He’s not bad, he just suffers as being inferior.

Which is fine, because

Dubs (Washington Huskies mascot)

Ranking: Top Tier Good Boy

THAT IS AN EXTREMELY GOOD BOY. 11/10 WOULD PET.

Super Frog (TCU Horned Frogs mascot)

Ranking: Why would you make this?

NCAA Football: Texas Christian at Texas Tech Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Now, I get the fact that a Horned Frog isn’t exactly the most terrifying mascot around, but it’s still interesting. What you did here, TCU, is take an interesting thing, anthromorphize it, and then make it impossible to be near. I get that you seem to be going for realism with those spikes along the arms and legs, but when I think of mascots, one of the prime qualifications for good design is: Can a small child interact with the mascot without fear of bodily harm? I have to imagine there have been numerous cases of children being stabbed in the face while trying to hug this thing.

Plus, can we talk about the head real fast? The always-open mouth is never a good look on a mascot, and the eyes are just huge, which kinda makes that whole realism thing with the spikes feel like more of a sham.

Plus Super Frog is just a lazy name. Should have kept the old name of Addy the All-American Frog.

Jim Harbaugh (Michigan Wolverines mascot)

Ranking: 3rd place at best

NCAA Football: Outback Bowl-Michigan vs South Carolina Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

I have to say, I think Michigan really did a good job with this mascot. Jim really nails the whole “rabid wolverine” aesthetic quite well, what with his propensity for doing weird things like hanging out in trees outside recruits houses, but the glasses are a great nod to the sophisticated “Michigan Man” culture that I hear such great things about. The khakis really tie the whole look together.

It’s just unfortunate that Michigan’s mascot is usually beaten by at least 2 other division mascots each year. I’m sure that’s worth the price tag for keeping it around, though.

Big Red (Western Kentucky Hilltopers mascot)

Ranking: The Absolute Best

NCAA Football: Boca Raton Bowl-Memphis vs Western Kentucky Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

I have a soft spot in my heart for Big Red, who is the only truly-great non-live-animal mascot. He’s just pure in a way that most other mascot designs aren’t. I mean, look at this guy:

(also I am afraid of what he actually is and am writing this in an effort to avoid his wrath)

Alright, I’m done for now. This is your weekly open thread. Go nuts.